Pooteewheet is Cool

Pooteewheet is cool, because she used photoshop and Ikea to decorate my bike room with this... It's only got a funny angle because I took the picture in such a way that the flash wouldn't show up as a sunburst in the middle. It's a bike I saw at the Uptown Art Fair and took a picture of. She adjusted it for three different colors and stacked them. Looks very neat in the corner of my room. She should probably submit it for display at the coffee shop/bicycle shop/art shop downtown.

Time to Get out the String and the Doorknob

See this? Click to zoom in if you must. Hopefully she doesn't have pizza in her teeth. Notice how the circled tooth hangs down a little lower than the other ones? Maybe like something is pushing it out. Like another tooth? Oh yeah...wobbly wobbly wobbly. She's playing with it because it's funny it's loose. 3.5 years old and she's losing her first tooth. To all my friends with their kids who just about Eryn's age...it's time to feel just a little bit older.

Scene From Swimming Lessons

Swimming lessons were over. Eryn had engaged in a very productive half hour, blowing bubbles, kicking, floating and paddling. We went into the boys' bathroom, as I'm not allowed in the girls' bathroom and, as Eryn points out every time, "No girls over 5 allowed in boys shower room", and she's under 5. Flipping on two shower nozzles, we were washing the chlorine off of us, and two little boys and their Dad took the showers on the other side of the shower room. I notice one of them starts to cross his eyes and get this very strange look on his face while the water is pelting his butt, and I worry he's having some sort of ecstatic reaction. He fools me by suddenly turning on his brother and announcing loudly, "You're peeing! My feet are getting warm!"

Yuck. I'm glad the shower slopes toward the outside walls.

Angles?

MNSpeak has a post up about The Prophecy Club coming to Bloomington. So I wandered out to the site to check out and see what sorts of things I should be worried about. Fortunately, I learned that there are at least 285 angles I'm safe from, prophetically speaking, provided there's no doubling up, so that's reassuring (image below). I'm not sure how those angles relate to planes - maybe advice like, "Don't ride a plane engaged in angles close to 180. For the lord has said, these angles will cause you no end of grief, for lo, I have invented gravity, and it may smite thee." Or, "An angle of 90 or 270 is grevious in mine eyes, for it may indicate thou hast consumed all the sacrificial wine and should not be operating a motor vehicle." How good is your DVD/VHS quality if you can't proofread angels in your advertising?

LissyJo's Gymnatics Shirts Suck

LissyJo's gymnastics shirts suck, Because I've never seen anything like this one (courtesy of Eryn's community ed gymnastics course). But I have seen the video of LissyJo "missing" the parallel bars in high school, and if there's something that should be YouTubed, that's it. You can sit around and watch that while drinking for hours. Encourage her to post her most embarrassing moment, because it's damn funny (because she didn't get hurt). LissyJo - you might like Stick It, but you're sticking it without a cool shirt like this one.

The Book of Lost Things

Wow, was this good. I would strongly recommend it to Mean Mr. Mustard or Klund. John Connolly's The Book of Lost Things was just great on many, many levels. It was like Harry Potter meets Gaiman, with more of their darkness, and at the same time, more levity. I think Harry Potter is funny sometimes, but only because you recognize things in Harry and his friends, or recognize something clever, not because the author has posited something truly humorous. On some pages I thought I was reading Neil Gaiman or Emma Bull, on other pages I thought I was eyebrow deep in Pratchett, like when...damn it...I'm not going to ruin the dwarfs with a spoiler. They're so f-ing hilarious I laughed out loud. And in other sections, I was physically nervous it was so dark and disturbing. When the knight tells his story to the townmen's children, you're just sure you'd beat the bejesus out of anyone that did that to your kids. It makes the Blue Fairy Book look happy. I'm not sure what to complain about, other than that you can't read it to your children unless you want them to have nightmares, and that David, the main character was just the slightest touch flat, but only because Connolly had a definite arc he was imposing on him to make the story work the way he intended. But The Book of Lost Things is about stories, so you can forgive him for making it obvious that you're reading one.

A beautiful book that could have slid into cliche, but rises to some place much higher.

I knew my searching skills were good, but I didn't realize that I could pass a reverse-turing test.

In Which I Respond to the Meme-Mocking Meme

I would like to note that any meme-ing on my blog involves a category tag "meme" and the word "meme" in the title. They're pretty easy to avoid. Anyway, Klund has written a meme...someone needs to answer it, otherwise it might be construed as clever.

1. Memes have been called "crack for bloggers" - why do you agree with this statement?
Like crack, it's something you might take up doing in your spare time, but then you find yourself doing more and more and more memes, until the frequency of your meme-ing interferes with family life and you ability to get an erection. I mean, the will is there, but not the memes.

2. Which is more gay - writing a meme or answering a meme?
Writing a meme. Although I'm not sure I'd use "gay". Because it isn't really homosexual or festive. If you're going to be more exact, you should ask if, as a guy, writing a meme makes you a pussy. Someone has to write memes; we can't all be God.

3. In what way is this the best meme you have ever answered?
Kevin wrote it, and as much as he was joking about memes, it probably caused him at least a little mental anguish to construct it in that he felt at least a smidgeon of toolosity. That's a best of some sort.

4. Scooter said he never made out in a movie theater, while Mean Mr. Mustard is a fan of Sam Shepard. Which one of them is the biggest loser?
That's unfair. I don't even know Shelley Jeffers.

5. I've only been tagged once to do a meme. Does this mean I'm very lucky, have no friends, or both?
I think it means most of us are scared what sort of admissions you might actually make if faced with too many memes.

6. If you were stuck on a deserted island, which three memes would you want to have with you?
Food meme, so I could pretend my mangos and coconuts were steak and sushi. Sex meme, because if I'm buying myself a dinner meme, I deserve it. World's biggest meme, because I might be able to float to the mainland on it.

7. Why is question number 7 always the best question in a meme?
The first ones are whatever is on the top of your mind. Things you don't really have to think about. By #7 you're in a groove, with some questions that require thought. After that you just want it to end. Besides, flip 7 upside down and it almost looks like you're giving someone the finger.

8. If you could answer a meme about any topic, which topic would it be?
People who've used my shower. The tag list is huge.

9. Which would you rather answer - a meme about homosexual giraffes or one about dryer lint?
Fortunately, I have experience with both. But on a day-to-day basis I have more experience with dryer lint, and it comes in many pretty colors that lend themselves to questions like "what's your favorite color of lint", and "what's the weirdest place you ever found blue lint? white lint? red lint?", followed by "did it make you feel patriotic?", and "ever found lint somewhere on your body you didn't expect it? somewhere on someone else's body?"

10. Does your answer to question number 9 mean that you are A) a homophobe, or B) a lintphobe?
Strangely, there doesn't seem to be a DSM-IV definition for a fear of giraffes, at least per the Australasion Psychiatry journal, the bulletin of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists. But I would guess it might be camelopardaliphobia, or more generally ungulaphobia, which is better, because homoungulaphobia sounds really scientific, and as someone married to a therapist who uses the DSM, I claim I invented it.

11. How happy are you that this meme is done now?
Eh. I think it needed more questions, like, have you ever gotten in trouble for putting a picture of your workplace in your blog, even though expansion pictures of the building are now available online? Or, do you think if you had two really tall friends, and one other friend who was just a little geeky, but they all really liked Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, maybe just a bit too much, that they might fit in really well as some sort of medieval fantasy unit (Darkon trailer, courtesy of Fimoculous) comprised of giants and their owner, sort of like in Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome with the Master Blaster, but with foam weapons instead of metal ones?

That'd be good meme-ing. I tag Michele Bachmann, because I know she's a homoungulaphobe (KSTP vid, Wonkette pic) - at least she'd never let them get married.

Koaly

She Says wanted to see my prized koala bear. So here he is, in all his ratty glory. He's made out of kangaroo skin, circa 1968, straight from Australia, although bits and pieces of him, particularly where his ear is falling apart, are reupholstered bunny rabbit. Bunny rabbits have much thinner skin than kangaroos, so the recovering didn't hold too well. I give my mom credit for trying. He used to have four little black plastic paws, but those fell off long ago. Obviously well loved.

Eryn Schmerin

Eryn is a busy little girl lately. We signed her up for her first gymastics class, which starts this weekend. She and I have daddy-daughter swimming twice a week (biking was making me a little itchy because I sweat a lot. Top it off with chlorine twice a week, and I'm considering bathing in hand lotion.) She's in phonics at daycare and is now an expert at rhyming (she called my brother "Andrew Mandrew" at the rental property, which really surprised both him and me and was damn funny when it came off the cuff), and has music lessons at daycare as well. And she's finally fully daytime potty trained (with even a few dry night time pullups), so we took her to Ikea to play in the ball pit. We were a little nervous leaving her somewhere other than daycare for an hour as that's not our scene, but when Pooteewheet picked her up an hour later, Eryn was absolutely dripping sweat, even though she'd stripped down to her tank top. She was playing that hard. Not to mention, Eryn's lunch cost me $1.15, and we found a cool present for my mother. It was all good.

Here's a mid-air ball leap.


And here she is fashion plating the sweater and matching scarf she wore that she eventually stripped off. Note the haircut. You can see her eyes again.

Marvin Poker Chip

Actually, it's for weighing down your cards and marking them so they don't get swept up by accident. Pooteewheet thinks I need some luck, because I'm apparently lacking all skill lately, so she bought me this cool Marvin and K-9 Poker Chip in a plastic case. Maybe it will keep me from getting very very angry next time I lose. The other side is Marvin solo with his ray gun. I'll have to figure out which side carries the better mojo.

I Have God's Email Address

(update: cleaned up loves to loaves and some spelling/formatting - doh. Pooteewheet said I should note that there are newer posts actually below this one.)

Yep, he left his card at a local coffee shop. It makes a certain amount of sense to me that if there's a creator, he (or she, or noodly it, I'm not picky) needs coffee to get through a day of creation and/or putting up with the prayers of others. If I had to talk to the Pope on a regular basis, I'd be downing the blackest cup of Peace Coffee I could lay my hands on. Then again, if I was god, I wouldn't be hanging in Lakeville, I'd find a home inside the loop.

So, I know you're wondering...what's his address? How do I reach him? Is this a substitute for prayer? If I'm Catholic, do I have to send an email to Pope at whatever.vatican.com first, and he'll forward it to God? Does God get mad if I turn that "notify me when read" feature on in Outlook, just to make sure I know he's paying attention?

I don't know the answers to those questions, though I suspect in the last case, Old Testament God would smite you for using "notify me when read", whereas Jesus would just send you FishesandLoaves.vbs. But, I could be wrong, after all, based on the address, which I think you could have figured out for yourself, God seems to be a Bill Gates fan.
While I find the idea of owning God's email address amusing, I find this video sermon, How to Pick Up Chicks, by the church that manages god's email address (Harmony, in Lakeville, part of their Sermons for Dummies series), disturbing. I kept expecting there to be a religious "punch line". You know what I mean. Talk about all the pick up lines you use, give cheesy examples, be obnoxious, and then in the end, "Hey, I go to Harmony where we worship in a hip, fun manner, with downloads and podcasts and direct access to God's email. Sort of God 2.0, if you're hip with the tech speak. And if you are, boy am I the Christian geek boy for you. Wanna go out Friday night to a youth sermon?" But that's not how it plays out. It devolves into some sort of masochistic, fetish, slapping video. Don't believe me that's a fetish? Just trawl Google (probably nsfw).

Scooter's Materialism Meme - His Own Answers

She Says is very fast. She finished my meme before midnight. I think that answers a future blogging meme question "blogging or sex?" It sounds as though I have to consider beer a materialistic item. I'm not entirely convinced. After all, it's just bread in a bottle. Water, hops, yeast, sugar. Some of the basic building blocks of life. There are monks (alt. at About) who lived on nothing but for long periods of time. But I guess materialism can be defined as a serious desire for something you could live without, and I drink less when I'm biking a lot, therefore it logically follows...fine. I'll factor alcohol into the equation.

Scooter's Materialism meme

1.) What's your most cherished item, the one item you would save if you couldn't save anything else (and not a cat or dog, a thing)?
Wow is that a tough one. I'd save the computer - it has pictures of Eryn on it. However, if things were appropriately backed up, and copies shipped to concerned grandparents, I'd save my kangaroo skin-covered koala bear. He's as old as I am and my Dad brought him back from Australia on one of his sub trips when he was in the Navy.

2.) Only for cat and dog owners - save the item in #1, or save the cat/dog?
I have problems with my dog. But I'd save her - she's too dumb to get out of the house on her own. She'd just run around in circles and bark and barf. As for the cat, I'd have to go open her door in the basement too, now that we shut her in the basement sometimes during the evening as she's taken up howling at the bedroom doors at 3 a.m. If I didn't let her out, Pooteewheet would be feaking out about the kitty kabob for the next decade, and I'm pretty sure that would be equivalent to letting my sex life burn in the fire.

3.) Can I buy #1 for $10? $100? $1000? $10,000? $100,000? $1,000,000? What's your lowest price? Does it have a price?
It's worth at least $100 to me. But I'd consider for $1000, and I'd cave at $10,000. I bought Eryn her own bear when I was in Australia for my sister's wedding, and my sister and brother-in-law (and niece) bought her a tiny one, so the only person missing the bear would be me, and I'd miss it a lot less if I had money for a new bike and tickets to ride it around Costa Rica or New Zealand (it'd be like "Koalie" was buying me a gift).

4.) If it doesn't have a price, have you sought therapy about your sentimental attachment to materialistic goods? And on a related note, do you hold your own garage sales?
I obviously have a price. You'd have to tackle issues like "poor job satisfaction" to find things that had extremely high prices for me (you'd have to pay me an unreasonable amount of money to be unhappy in my job, and that includes long commutes). I do not hold my own garage sales. The idea is revolting, nauseating, and makes my head hurt, and not just because I'd have to do an even better job of cleaning the garage. Instead of selling my things, I donate them to charity - the thrift store, the library, friends. When I lived in the apartment in St. Louis Park, Pooteewheet and I just left things on the table in the laundry room. Everything disappeared, including a coffee pot with a note that said "broke" and a Star Wars the Next Generation action figure in a glass jar.

5.) Favorite precious substance?
Coffee was a good call on She Says' part. I wouldn't have thought of that, but it's expensive, and I buy a lot. Which means beer is also a possibility, but I drink less beer than coffee (I hope). I was pondering agates, as I think they qualify as gemstones and I used to collect them when I visited Montana, but I don't really have many floating around anymore. So I'll answer diamonds. I like the bling. Not so much on myself - I own almost none - as on others.

6.) Every had an item blessed that really shouldn't have been blessed?
Nope. I see those car and pet blessings in the paper now and then, but I'm not convinced they'd make my dog behave the way I expect her to.

7.) What personal item has surprised you with its durability?
My Cyclosimulator bike trainer. I bought it in college and it's probably got at least seven thousand miles on it. I rarely do maintenance on it, and yet it's lasted all this time - the mechanical parts (windfan, wheel mount), the lcd computer, and the metal bits I sweat all over. It's only aging that I can see is that the white plastic is actually turning a bit yellow.

8.) What's the most expensive thing you've ever purchased (other than primary residence and vehicle)?
A secondary residence, for renters. But if you assume they're paying for that (most of the time, when we're not evicting someone), then probably the first computer Pooteewheet and I bought. I remember when computers were more than $2000 for something that was fairly "standard". I remember my inlaws were a little shocked that we were buying a computer instead of finding a house, but in the long run, considering my job history, it was a wise investment. I do have a bike that was very expensive when I bought it. Not $10,000, Lance Armstrong expensive, but with the clipless pedals and special shoes, it set me back about $1500, and that was on a previous year, on-sale model.

9.) What do you feel is the appropriate % of your income to give to charity? Do you donate something other than money (and what)?
I don't have a %, but I do try to give until it hurts a little. The community clinic my sister used to work for gets a fairly large chunk of change because I like to make at least one dontation that would make a big difference. It's still probably a drop in the bucket compared to their operating budget, but with company matching, it's not pocket change either. We do donate all sorts of other things, like books to the library, our old cars, and anything in good shape that we think someone else could use (keeping in mind that many of our own stuff is hand me downs). I don't donate a lot of personal time since I quit working with the Boy Scouts (we have a difference of philosophy), but I get in time to help my bike group (non-profit, educational) do registration for their largest ride, and I read to school kids some years, and participate in mock trials for local law schools in others (my company will match two days of donated time each year).

10.) Do you shop at garage sales? How often (and how much do you buy)?
Yes, but not as often as I'd like to as I'm usually not off work at the right time. I love to shop for books, particularly kids books. No one ever wants to keep them, and it's cheaper than buying them at Half Price. I don't ever buy clothes, but I always keep my eyes open for tools and toys and things that friends might like.

11.) If you said yes in #10, what's the best thing you ever bought at a garage sale?
Just books, mostly. When I was at the Now Then Threshing Show last year, I bought some hose nozzles for cheap, and they were copper, not crappy plastic. I took my friend Dan'l to a garage sale in my neighborhood and he bought a standalone disco ball for his computer room. That was a good purchase.

12.) What item do you constantly find yourself upgrading?
Computer. I'd say it's finally been quite a while since an upgrade, but we got a laptop, and that probably counts. I do upgrade my bike now and then, although "supplement with an extra" is probably more accurate.

13.) Day to yourself. Shopping or chores?
I was going to say chores, but then I thought "beer and games are shopping", and I'd always rather do that.

14.) Day to yourself. Shopping or reading?
Reading. Plopped down in the coffee shop for up to six hours, reading. Hey...I usually buy my coffee at Dunn Brothers, however. A paradox! If that's shopping, then still reading, I'll just do it at home.

15.) Day to yourself. Shopping or some sort of event (movie, play, sports event).
Event. No question.

16.) Let's press the issue. Shopping or sex?
Is it with Pooteewheet or someone else? I mean the shopping. Sex.

17.) Your boss gives you an award. Do you want the public acknowledgement, or a private $25 gift certificate.
Public acknowledgement. I usually feel I'm just doing my job. Extra money is weird and feels like a commission.

18.) If you could only carry an armload (let's say one to five) things out of your burning abode, not including the cherished item in #1, what would they be?
Let's say #1 was the computer. So my kangaroo skin-covered bear, the laptop, at least one bike, Eryn's Build-a-Bear giraffe she got for potty training, and Pooteewheet's jewelry (not worth a lot as those things go, but there are things she got from me for anniversaries/etc).

19.) What does another friend have that you want?
A flat screen t.v. or a king-sized bed. These are things I can't bring myself to buy, yet feel would make my life materialistically much better.

20.) Ever get nicked (arrested, detained) or confronted for taking something you wanted?
I was going to say never, but my mother did find a bunch of plastic sign letters - like you'd see on a DQ sign - in my closet one time and sent me off to therapy.

21.) Do you get a magazine that's primarily devoted to acquisition or reviews of material goods? Which one?
Wired is about technology, but they do send me a buyer's guide. I have purchased (or had purchased for me) the odd GQ, hoping to determine if such a guide would help me to be a little less unhip.

22.) Ever take a job just so you could get a discount on something?
Group legal? Naw...that's just a side benefit I can use. No discounts as the goal, although my bed is the result of another friend taking a job so she could get discounts at a furniture store.

23.) Where do you buy most of your stuff? And why there?
Liquor store. Because I like beer. Specifically, lately, Blue Max Liquor. My family gets most of our stuff from Target, because it's just down the street. If there were a Costco within ten miles, I'd be shopping there instead.

24.) Where would you buy most of your stuff, if you could? Why there?
Online if I could, because I don't have to deal with people unless there's a customer service issue. But, per #23, Costco would be an alternative. I like their politics.

25.) What do you consistently buy for yourself that you really (really) don't need?
Beer and board games. I have enough board games in a closet in the basement that it might be considered a collection.

26.) Did you meet any of your friends through a shared appreciation of certain materialistic goods? Did the friendship last?
If you consider the acquisition of a computer, then almost all of them that I didn't know in high school, and they've lasted longer than whatever computing job I was at. I haven't met many beer-only friends, at least none that have lasted, and I don't really have any biking friends either, and my gaming friends...well, I've met a few of them through blogging, not specifically gaming, so I'm not sure if that counts.

She Says' Add Ons:
27.) What do you collect?
Board games. Cast iron banks. Marvin the Martian memorabilia. Biking things (some art). A few castles and, specifically, history-related items (old books about Tudor/Stuart history, although not so much as I don't live near any good antique book stores).

28.) What one thing do you have that will most likely make it on some future version of Antiques Roadshow because it's rare, unusual, collectible, etc.?
I had a board game that went out of print that was up to $200-$250 on e-bay for a while, then they re-released it. And I had some Magic the Gathering cards that, for a while, were worth quite a bit of money. I'd guess I have a cast iron bank or two (one of the non reproductions) that would eventually be Antiques Roadshow worthy.

I tag LissyJo, because question #20 was added just for her.

Materialism Meme - Specifically for She Says

I'll answer it after She Says does, as I created it for her. She's had a few days without a meme to answer. It's sort of work in progress, but this is what I came up with after a short bout of brainstorming.

Scooter's Materialism meme

1.) What's your most cherished item, the one item you would save if you couldn't save anything else (and not a cat or dog, a thing)

2.) Only for cat and dog owners - save the item in #1, or save the cat/dog?

3.) Can I buy #1 for $10? $100? $1000? $10,000? $100,000? $1,000,000? What's your lowest price? Does it have a price?

4.) If it doesn't have a price, have you sought therapy about your sentimental attachment to materialistic goods? And on a related note, do you hold your own garage sales?

5.) Favorite precious substance?

6.) Every had an item blessed that really shouldn't have been blessed?

7.) What personal item has surprised you with its durability?

8.) What's the most expensive thing you've ever purchased (other than primary residence and vehicle)?

9.) What do you feel is the appropriate % of your income to give to charity? Do you donate something other than money (and what)?

10.) Do you shop at garage sales? How often (and how much do you buy)?

11.) If you said yes in #10, what's the best thing you ever bought at a garage sale?

12.) What item do you constantly find yourself upgrading?

13.) Day to yourself. Shopping or chores?

14.) Day to yourself. Shopping or reading?

15.) Day to yourself. Shopping or some sort of event (movie, play, sports event).

16.) Let's press the issue. Shopping or sex?

17.) Your boss gives you an award. Do you want the public acknowledgement, or a private $25 gift certificate.

18.) If you could only carry an armload (let's say one to five) things out of your burning abode, not including the cherished item in #1, what would they be?

19.) What does another friend have that you want?

20.) Every get nicked (arrested, detained) or confronted for taking something you wanted?

21.) Do you get a magazine that's primarily devoted to acquisition or reviews of material goods? Which one?

22.) Ever take a job just so you could get a discount on something?

23.) Where do you buy most of your stuff? And why there?

24.) Where would you buy most of your stuff, if you could? Why there?

25.) What do you consistently buy for yourself that you really (really) don't need?

26.) Did you meet any of your friends through a shared appreciation of certain materialistic goods? Did the friendship last?

Fun time catchup

There are a few links floating around my inbox that I thought I'd share:

Most importantly, the best 25 beers in America from Men's Journal. I've had Dogfish and Bell's, but I may have to dig around for the rest of them, particularly things in the top 5.

1 - Firestone Walker Pale Ale: Paso Robles, CA
2 - Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA: Milton, DE
3 - Stoudt's Pils: Adamstown, PA
4 - Russian River Temptation Ale: Santa Rosa, CA
5 - Avery Mephistopheles' Stout: Boulder, CO

Second, Eyeteeth lists some of the highlights from the Walker Museum's top 10s (here's the Walker link). I like the silver dog peeing on the wall. Almost as classy as the Britney Spears giving birth statue.

She Says sent me a CNN article about ways to decorate my cube, what with the big pole in the middle and all. I like the idea of little cube toys that are just copies of me, my friends, and our cubes. If I got them, I'd have to make them toys of their own so that people would get dizzy from the recursion.

That reminds me, a note for Mean Mr. Mustard: the Dunn Brothers closest to me has two computers and each of them sports a Findlaw mousepad.

Sky Blue Waters has two posts up about the nuclear plant in my home town - in sequence, they're funny...sort of...if you're not scared about your nuclear plant having problems.
Monticello's makeover - Part I
Monticello's makeover - Part II

And finally, this list of weapons that don't exist, but should, couresty of Tall Brad, who sort of ruined the humor by making Mean Mr. Mustard, Klund and myself try to figure out why he was asking us about whether we'd had anything to do with it, and then pointing us at the history tab. He meant it was our kind of humor, but the whole history tab thing was very confusing. That aside, everyone needs their own Chuck-Nun.

Witness to Barbarism

I took Klund's advice and made use of the inter library loan system last night. Not just because I wanted some of the Terry Pratchett books the Dakota library system doesn't carry, but because a number of books in my Amazon list aren't things I can get at Dakota County (not surprisingly, a few of them I can't get in Minnesota at all), and because I read the first Sandman collection (by Neil Gaiman), Preludes and Nocturnes, and wanted to get my hands on the other nine collections my own library doesn't carry. Yes, I am reading a comic book (eff that graphic novel stuff - Cain and Abel are mixed in, and I read enough old House of Mystery/House of Secrets comic books as a kid, courtesy of the flea market, that I know those weren't classics of literature), and one that's almost 20 years old now, but it's interesting to see where Gaiman did some of his early work.

On a more interesting note, I recently read Witness to Barbarism, by Horace R. Hansen, St. Paul lawyer (well, he was, he's passed on), and chief prosecutor of the Dachau war-crimes trials. My brother-in-law bought it for me last Christmas, and I've finally moved deep enough into my bedside shelf to tackle it.

First off, my apologies to Horace, but he's a horrible writer. More than a little bad. He details how people finish speaking (He folded his arms. We were all done speaking for the day), and not just once, but a couple hundred times, and often at the end of a chapter, when you'd know they were done because the chapter ends. But that's just nitpicking. His first-hand account of his experiences as a prosecutor at the end of the war is fascinating. Near the beginning of the book he talks about U.S. units engaged in raping locals and their trials and execution. Not one or two, but what sounds like large portions of certain units (he doesn't give exact numbers). There's also interesting bits about General Eisenhower ordering Germans to bury burnt concentration camp victims at Gardelegen, one German to dig each grave and to appoint a successor in perpetuity, and another bit where Eisenhower orders that German officer POWs are not to be allowed execution by guillotine (considered a more honorable way to die, and used extensively in Nazi Germany), but were to be hanged. I had also never heard the phrase Sitzkrieg, although it was apparently characteristic of a whole stage of WWII (also called the Phony War or Twilight War).

The pictures are incredible, many of them from Hansen's collection and the collections of the Germans he met, and as long as Horace sticks to his first-hand accounts, and not the accounts of the German recorders for Hitler's staff meetings, which take up a sizeable portion of the book, exceptional. It's the level of discussion of the recorders' interviews which make them not as interesting, as they mainly detail high level politics and events, not their day-to-day lives, or the lives of those they were in contact with. Whenever Horace swings back to the actual trial and his personal contact with those from the camps, both victims and victimizers, being told history stops, and listening to Horace live history begins. His personality peeks through when he refuses to stay for two months to run the trials when he gets enough points to go home (he's obviously sick of what he sees), and when he feels a pang of guilt about the American rapists because German soliders get one to three years for rape, while U.S. soldiers get immediate life imprisonment or death. That's something that certainly highlights the changes in our country when conservatives note that we need to fight on the same level and with the same rules as terrorists.

In that same vein, I close with a good quote (p. 146):

"He disliked professionals, like teachers, journalists, engineers, and lawyers, because they were trained to look at both sides of an issue and might come out in a gray area and take no stand," ends Reynitz.

"That's very interesting. Shows his character. How did he use propaganda?" I ask Krieger.

He always takes time to answer, and he speaks calmly now: "Hitler and his close associates used propaganda to take a position on an issue. By constantly repeating a position, even if false, the propaganda took on credibility. The Americans and British were saying in their newspapers that this was use of the Big Lie. He was good at it."

Exercise

I finished my first month of biking a few days ago on my current training program. Since I started (i.e. in the last month) I've biked 325.91 miles in 1,150 min. 13.9 seconds, using up 29,326.9 calories. I know that seems like a lot of calories, and it may be high. I just take the number my Cyclosimulator gives me (riding on a 2% grade with the wind fan on) and multiply by 1.6 for weight differential. That means if I continue to lose weight, I'll have to lower that number to adjust (and really it needs a modifier as I bike more because you get stronger). I think this week may be the first week I hit 100 miles (last week was 96.04), so that's exciting. But it's not anywhere near the 70-90 a day I'd be rolling on RAGBRAI, which is my goal this summer, or the 100 (strong) miles in a day I'll need to be able to do if I try to up my mileage on the Ironman and go the long haul with Pete this year (my Ironman 2005, 2006).

Why are so many Italians...

...particularly interested in this drawing of me from Chicago last year? At least according to my site stats they are. Many Italians are doing image searches, and following the thumbnail to the version at my blog. Could it be that I'm a sex symbol in the Boot? Maybe I'm the next Raoul Bova. Hey! I didn't know Rose McGowan was Italian. According to her trivia, she's not going to like that last post of mine. Those were mostly cephalopods, not fish, but I bet she won't split hairs.

Why I Think I Went to the UK Instead of Korea

Pooteewheet was on an eating octopus video kick last night. I'm not sure why, but she left me links for all of them, and they're absolutely disgusting. So, I must share...

I can't embed this one, but it's funny. It's a family eating octopus with a weird comedic voice over. They're doing it the traditional way according to the Weird Food show I saw on cable, which is wrapping it around the chopsticks. Make sure to stay with it until the little girl has an octopus to herself.

"It's leaving sucker marks on me!"


Oldboy "Eating Live Octopus" - Behind The Scenes. Oldboy is a great movie if you like things like Resevoir Dogs (but with a better plot and a Korean take). He makes it look like he's eating beef jerky. I think it's cheating if you spit it out, but at least he apologizes to it near the end.


This one wants to get away (nice and short). Damn freaky.


And finally this isn't just octopus, but penis fish as well. Yum. With the funky music, it's almost like the ocotopus bits are dancing.
With the music, it seems like they're dancing

I'm Part of the Military Industrial Complex

For the second time since I received my Blackberry, I've gotten a call from Peter, the automated customer voice service for something something Industry level Military Supplies, wanting to know if I can verify my industry level military order. I've kind of had to ignore him because he calls at the most inopportune times, and I can't call back because the number lists as private, but I must admit I'm intrigued. What would I get if I confirmed my industry level military order? Tanks? Helicopters? Spare stargate? All the body armor that should have ended up in the Gulf and hasn't?