Book Meme Part II - Fantasy Category

I didn't think this one through thoroughly.  There's a lot of things I read that are fantasy that I don't usually think of as Fantasy.  Harry Potter.  The Magician King by Grossman (recommended by Larry, loved both books). Illearth Series. Pratchett (I put off reading some of the Discworld books so I always have some to go back to.  It's the reverse of worrying about whether an author will die before he completes a series.  I almost died before I completed what was available of Pratchett).  Bradbury.  And I had to go back and update for Bull, Mieville, and Gaiman, which is inexcusable.  I'm not sure why I don't think of them as fantasy...apparently I have a prejudice where I stereotype fantasy as elves, dwarves, Terry Goodkind, and Tad Williams Green Angel Tower trilogy (see the bottom - you can slot this into never read, even though I pawned it off on Kevin).

The last fantasy book I read was:
Elfstones of Shannara.  Read it out loud to Eryn.  I had some criticisms, but he uses Awesome much less often in the Sword of Shannara.

The fantasy book I am reading right now is: 
Wishsong of Shannara.  Reading it out loud to Eryn.  She's annoyed that one of the characters says "For Cat's Sake" so often.  Not nearly as good as Frack! or the Firefly swear words:

The next fantasy book I will read is: 
Maybe I'll just celebrate being done with 1150 pages of the Shannara trilogy.  Once again, I don't have anything queued up.  I'm moving to Law 101 and PMP studying.  A bit of nonfiction.  Wait..that's a lie.  I'm going to finish reading Felix Palma's Map of the Sky.  I ordered it from the library yesterday.  Could be construed as science fiction, but it's more fantasy than scifi in my opinion.

I also have a copy of Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things sitting on the table that I checked out yesterday, although it'll have to wait until after PMP.  And I'm way past due for a Jasper Fforde book and a Discworld book.

The last fantasy book I didn’t finish was:
Palma's Map of the Sky.

I didn’t finish it because:
Library requested it back, and I've been reading it slowly, partially because I had to finish The Map of Time before I started it.

The last fantasy I recommended to a friend was:
The Rook - recommended it to Kevin.

The last fantasy book someone recommended to me was: (Did you enjoy it?)
Larry recommended The Leviathan Trilogy, which is steampunk, which I categorize as fantasy.  I liked it enough that Eryn and I read it together again for evening reading time.  NPR recommended Robopocalypse: A Novel, which is likely classified as scifi, but feels like out and out fantasy or a horror-related zombie riff to me.  NPR is dumb.  It sucked.  Hard. Kevin said that whole Hunger Games thing was good when he saw me with the book in St. Peter.  Once again, border line between scifi and fantasy.  I didn't enjoy it - I'm still sort of mad I read it from a literary perspective, although from a modern cultural perspective, at least I have something to complain about when someone tells me how great it is.

My favorite fantasy novel is:
I came back to this question!  I do have an absolute favorite, War for the Oaks by Emma Bull.  Magic Realism in Prince's Minnesota.  Ananasi Boys and American Gods - e.g. anything by Gaiman.  And ALMOST anything by China Mieville.  The Scar, Perdido Street Station, and Iron Council, but NOT Kraken.

[Old Answer: Lord of the Rings.  It's got historical/english professor undertones...or overtones.  And although I'm older now and I know it's not as good as I remember at the time, the Song of Albion trilogy by Stephen Lawhead was my favorite for a long time.]

An underrated fantasy author is:
I'd rather state I think George R. R. Martin and Robert Jordon are overrated, and there's almost nothing I'd read in top 20 authors on the Amazon fantasy list.

I think Emma Bull has always been underrated.  She's wonderful.  That whole circle of authors she's involved with (Gaiman, Shetterly, et al) is excellent.

My favorite sub-genre of fantasy is:
If I use this list, probably Alternate World followed by Arthurian followed by Juvenile.

Should add two questions...don't ever read... and favorite fantasy film:
Per above, stay away from that damn Tad Williams trilogy.  It's boring, and a LOT of boring.  As for movies, Princess Bride and Spirited Away (anyone ever say anything different unless they're LoTR uber fans?) are at the top of my list.  I don't think Grave of the Fireflies is fantasy, or I'd rank it higher than either.  Are superhero movies fantasy movies?  This all gets very grey...

Sank's Movie Meme - First 15

Sank has a movie meme up on his blog.  I feel compelled to participate.  The rules, per Sank:

The rules: Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen films you’ve seen that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen films you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.
Not in order of preference

My movies:

1 The Princess Bride

2 Triplets of Belville

3 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

4 Risky Business

5 Roman Holiday

6 My Neighbor Totoro/Howl's Moving Castle - I always think of them together because of Eryn

7 American Flyers/Breaking Away - I also always think of these two together, I almost always watch them as a double feature.

8 The Wall

9 The Aristocrats

10 Unforgiveable Blackness: The Rise & Fall of Jack Johnson

11 Urban Explorers – but not because of the watching, because of the production event

12  Close Encounters of the Third Kind - took my little brother for his birthday

13 Oldboy

14 Ran (Kurosawa)

15 Apocalypse Now

Postpourri - Agile, Bananas, Breakfast, Beer, Memes

Been a while since I did a postpourri, but I had a few things queued up that I found enjoyable:

1.) How to open a banana at viral video. Perhaps Mean Mr. Mustard can benefit from knowing how to open those bananas he stores in his banana bunkers.

2.) Know Your Meme - in case there's an internet meme you don't understand or missed. You can't be expected to function in polite company if you don't know about Om Nom Nom Nom or the Keyboard Cat.

3.) Conner posts a link to the beer flow chart which advises you what to drink (hmm...this link might work better).

4.) Metro magazine reviews breakfast. I ordered a subscription to their magazine after reading their breakfast articles. They review the bacon independently. That's good journalism.

5.) How to turn your chest freezer into a chest fridge (why? because it saves you a lot of money when the cold stays in the fridge, and you can stop yelling at your kids, "QUIT STANDING AROUND WITH THE DOOR OPEN!")

6.) Boing Boing has a quote on their site from 8 years ago quoting Joel on Software talking about the MBA mind that I found highly amusing if you work with Agile at all:

"People who aren't programmers are just looking at the screen and seeing some pixels. And if the pixels look like they make up a program which does something, they think "oh, gosh, how much harder could it be to make it actually work?"

The big risk here is that if you mock up the UI first, presumably so you can get some conversations going with the customer, then everybody's going to think you're almost done. And then when you spend the next year working "under the covers," so to speak, nobody will really see what you're doing and they'll think it's nothing.

meme, Meme, MEME, MEMEMEMEMEME!

I guess there's a reason Meme has two me's in it. She Says actually sent me an email meme. Email! That's spam, young lady. It should land you in the same bucket on my computer as wang enlargement, cheap viagara, Nigerian money scams, and Me So Horny 4U, if it weren't that I'd added you to the exception list long ago. Fine...I'm moving your meme online. I don't do chain letters. Kyle, I tag you in Facebook. Andrew, you too. And LissyJo and Pooteewheet and Larry. As Roma Downey would say, you've been touched by a meme.

1. What is your occupation right now? Technology Manager (specifically, Technology Manager, Migration
2. What color are your socks right now? Tan with some dark brown diamonds
3. What are you listening to right now? Pooteewheet listening to raunchy comedy on our free Showtime

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Bigfoot Barleywine Style Ale. Once again, beer is food.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? That's all we own. Better gas mileage, eh.
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I'm going to assume this includes Skype because Skype is kewl - Erik the Swede.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I traveled across the country to meet her, so yah.
8. How old are you today? As old as She Says...almost.
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Bicycling.

10. What is your favorite drink? I drink more coffee than anything else, but my favorite drink is beer, followed closely by Scotch, followed closely by Bourbon (I'm a George Thorogood song).
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Hell no. I saw what my brother looked like when he dyed/bleached his blonde. That's a bad look for the men in my family. I'm peppered with gray except where it's completely disappearing.
12. Favorite food? I may have answered something else recently, but at the moment sushi comes to mind.
13. What is the last movie you watched ? Man on Wire

14. Favorite day of the year? Eryn's Birthday

15. How do you vent anger? Ooo...tough one. Could be mopey, but I did that more in the past (though not exclusively). Exercise (on the bicycle, in case someone was wondering if I was talking about sex), perhaps. At least that's always how I want to diffuse it.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? ATV 6 wheeled vehicle? Maybe my scooter? The one thing I still have is my kangaroo skin covered koala bear.
17. What is your favorite season? Fall, before it gets too cold to ride bicycle.
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Absolutely blueberries.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? No. That's why I put this on the blog. But they may put this on their Facebook account and change the question to "Do you want your friends to tag you back".
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Pooteewheet, if she ever reads my blog.
21. Who is least likely to respond? My brother. He never reads my blog.
22. Living arrangements? Second tier suburb, two cats, several fish, family of three with almost 1000' square feet each (too much!).
23. When was the last time you cried? When my project developed a third major problem? No...I don't cry over spilt projects. Man on Wire made me sad because he has so much more passion than I have for anything.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Poker chips. Shoes. Some book on positions we don't use that needs to go away before Eryn finds it. Wrapping paper. Writing helper we use to set the laptop on to watch videos so it doesn't sit on the comforter which blocks the air intake.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? Kyle - we've been friends a long time.26. What did you do last night? Read documentation on ADABAS systems.
27. What are you most afraid of? Not being able to bike. I once, shortly after my first eye was zapped for lasik, very afraid of blindness. I have a slightly irrational (up for debate) fear of sharks.
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburger? I prefer spicy, but it's usually not an option.
29. Favorite dog breed? Corgi, although I've never owned one.
30. Favorite day of the week? The busiest day of my work work that's not busy because of meetings, but which leaves me time for lots of fun with Eryn and Jen.
31. How many states have you lived in? OR, NY, CA, MT, ND, MN...I think. So 6.32. Diamonds or pearls? She Says is wrong. This is equally geared toward men. Men prefer pearls on their women.
33. What is your favorite flower? I like roses.

34. If you could change one major decision in your life, what would you change? This is a tough one. I would like to see what it would have been like to go to Wales and become a PhD in British History. That would have precluded my wife and daughter. So I guess I wouldn't take it back - I'm just interested in what it would have been like. It hink I would have decided to spend more time with my grandparents - the ones who have passed on. I knew them, but not as well as I wish I had.

I'm About Done With the Memes - Three Things

Ming tagged me, otherwise I'd have ignored this one...

Three names I go by:
1. Scott
2. Scooter
3. Dexter

Three jobs I've had in my life:
1. Picking weeds out of a lake
2. Boy Scout Camp Counselor
3. Technology Manager

Three places I've lived:
1. Schnectady, New York
2. Klammath Falls, Oregon
3. San Jose, California

Shows I Watch
1. Fringe
2. Dirty Jobs
3. Damages (Thanks Erik)

Three places I've been:
1. C&O Canal Trail, Maryland (and D.C.)
2. Elroy Sparta Trail, Wisconsin
3. Cedar Falls, Iowa during RAGBRAI

People who e-mail me regularly:
1. Ming
2. Mean Mr. Mustard
3. A particular Project Manager

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Rhubarb && (Some Berry || Some Fruit) Pie
2. Beer (beer is food)
3. Chipotle Burrito

Three friends I think will respond
1. Jen
2. Mean Mr. Mustard
3. She Says

Things I'm looking forward to:
1. RAGBRAI 2009
2. Eryn starting first grade
3. Riding with Ming, Adam and Kyle this spring and summer

Scooter Needs

She Says gave me a meme to complete on Facebook. I thought about it, and decided I'd better do both my nickname and my real name. So here we go. Just Google your first name with the word "needs"--e.g. "Scooter needs," and list the first ten (non-redundant) results. This is a bit confusing, because I'm not sure if you're supposed to list only the ones with Scooter Needs in the very first part of the title, or if you're supposed to interpret a bit and pull out the chunk that says basically "Scooter needs xyz". I'm going with the later interpretation as it makes more sense. So here it goes...

Version 1, Scooter Needs:

1. Scooter Needs a Plane Ticket to California
2. Scooter Needs - Portland [ed. conveniently close to California]
3. (Blind) Scooter Needs Your Love
4. Scooter Needs an Amputation - PLEASE HELP
5. Scooter Needs More Power
6. Scooter Needs Your Help
7. Scooter Needs Parts
8. Scooter Needs Power Boost
9. Scooter Needs Attention
10. Scooter Needs BDRM/STE in Caring Home

Version 2, Scott Needs:

1. Scott Needs Nude Models [ed. duh]
2. Scott Needs This
3. Trials and Tribulations: Scott Needs
4. The Fat Triplets >> Scott Needs
5. Scott Needs a New Liver
6. Scott Needs a Real Serious Butt Chewing
7. Scott Needs More Sleep
8. Scott Needs Help...Drinking Vino
9. Scott Needs a Ride at the Insider
10. Scott Needs - London

25 Random Things Meme from Shannon

ARGH. Sucky Facebook Memeites. I curse you. I'm going to make a meme with 1000 things and make all of you answer it. Well, 1000 of you, and you'll have to pick 1000 friends and tag them and make them answer it. And I'll be a huge asshole and make the last instruction "add one extra item". I'll call it "Memefucktacular" and it shall rule you all.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

I refuse to tag 25 people...that's invasive. I'm tagging 12.5.

1. I used to play in the cupboard.
2. I used to be a gleaner for potatoes and tomatoes.
3. I watched my mother fall down on the ice while skating and crack her head. She bled all over the ice.
4. I watched my mother pour a full pot of scalding coffee on herself.
5. I ate my father's half of his canteloupe and ran away.
6. Most of the houses in our neighborhood in Klammath Falls burned down in a big fire.
7. I heard a duck say "Hello".
8. My friend dropped a large rock on my finger. I lost a fingernail.
9. A great dane bit me in the ass.
10. A guy stole all our stereo equipment. The great dane didn't stop him.
11. My parents gave away all my wheat pennies to the owner of the great dane.
12. My father, uncle, grandfather and I got our truck stuck up to the runners in mud and had to walk back to the farm.
13. Am I done yet? Skip forward a bit. I pulled aluminum cans out of YMCA campground trash bins, covered in coffee grounds and baby diapers, to make enough money to fund a bike trip to Wisconsin.
14. I biked to Wisconsin with my friends. The next year I biked to Duluth. During those events there were baby powder fights and streaking.
15. I hit my girlfriend in the butt with a snowball from several hundred feet away.
16. I squeezed a girl's elbow at a party, not realizing it was her breast.
17. I went to RPI on a ROTC scholarship. Neither worked out.
18. I bounced across a field in a station wagon toward a cop who was ordering my friend to "Put down the gun."
19. I met my wife. She stopped me from going to graduate school in Wales. But it worked out.
20. I had Eryn. She's great.
21. I went to London. Took a picture of The Eye from the inside. Told my coworkers I'd pushed out my other coworker who was along. And was told by one of them that that wasn't a funny joke at all.
22. I was given a knowing look by people who assumed three guys in a tent in Wisconsin were gay.
23. I left programming to pursue non-programming things that were generally stressful to people who continue to be programmers.
24. I went on RAGBRAI, the ride across Iowa.
25. I failed to eat a 30" pizza with four friends.

16 Things Meme

I'm cross-posting all the annoying memes people (that means you, She Says) are subjecting me to on Facebook. Here's the 16 Things Meme.

Write 16 things about yourself and tag anyone who is part of the 16 anecdotes.

1. I have ridden RAGBRAI, the ride across Iowa, and I'll be riding it again this year.
2. I'm an Eagle Scout.
3. One of my goals in life is to be able to sing a Spanish song while playing the guitar.
4. I once made a toast as a best man that referenced streaking.
5. I once went streaking and was caught by my (female) science teacher.
6. I was in two musicals in high school: Annie Get Your Gun and The Sound of Music.
7. My part in The Sound of Music required no singing.
8. I was my class valedictorian.
9. I was on the girl's tennis team in high school.
10. I hate to work with computer hardware.
11. I have more bicycle art than anyone else I know.
12. I like Scotch.
13. I am, with my family, in the top 5000, almost the top 4000, bands for Wii Rock Band II. That's more embarassing than it might seem on first read.
14. I have several dozen complete short stories I've written, almost all of them unpublished.
15. My favorite vacations are bicycling vacations.
16. I need to finish up my taxes.

Facebook Meme - Your Name Here

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag ten people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up and no googling! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Scott. Or Scooter if you prefer the nickname.
2. A four Letter Word : suck
3. A boy's Name : Sasha
4. A girl's Name : Sasha
5. An occupation : Is skank an occupation? Probably not. So...Streetwalker.
6. A color : Scarlet
7. Something you'll wear : Skivvies
9. A food : Stew
10. Something found in the bathroom : Soft towels.
11. A place : Scot(t)land
12. A reason for being late: socially illiterate
13. Something you'd shout : SUCK IT!
14. A movie title: Sabrina (with Audrey Hepburn)
15. Something you drink : Summit (what else?)
16. A musical group : Social Distortion
17. An animal : skink (not to be confused with the aforementioned skank)
18. A street name: Sunset
19. A type of car: Smart Car
20. A celebrity: Scarlett Johansson

Highland Cathedral - Amy Grant

Klund tagged me for a music meme on Facebook. I almost missed it in all those notifications. So I dragged it out and answered it here, cutting across social networks and blogs in a way designed to give people a headache and make them feel they're on Facebook when they're really not. And I can be annoying and include a video for each song (or as close as possible when lacking an appropriate video on YouTube). By the way, my blog status is, "Scott is answering a music meme."

If you can't tell. We have yet to switch our playlists off of the Christmas season.

1. Put Your iTunes (or iPod) on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag at least 10 friends (include me please)

What do your friends think of you?
Mustang Sally - The Commitments


If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Lay Down Sally - Eric Clapton


How would you describe yourself?
Silent Night - Amy Grant


What do you like in a guy/girl?
Bad Babies - Adam Bryant (Rhinoceros Tap)
Can't find it, so here's Rhinoceros Tap


How do you feel today?
The Brain is not the Mind - Dan Reeder
(I can't find the song, so I'll post "I Drink Beer")


What is your life’s purpose?
Lover Please - Melissa Etheridge


What is your motto?
Feliz Navidad - Jose' Feliciano


What do you think about very often?
Paper Planes - M.I.A.


What is 2 + 2?
LA. Song - Beth Hart


What do you think of your best friend?
Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra


What do you think of the person you like?
Ob-li-di, Ob-la-da - The Beatles


What is your life story?
Christmas Can't Be Very Far Away - Amy Grant


What do you want to be when you grow up?
Barnyard Dance - Adam Bryant (Rhinocerous Tap)


What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Joker and the Thief - Wolfmother


What will you dance to at your wedding?
Beautiful Wreck - Shawn Mullins


What will they play at your funeral?
Mister Santa - Amy Grant


What is your hobby/interest?
Emmanuel - Kathy Mattea
Can't find a good cut. Here's "Ready for the Storm" instead


What is your biggest fear?
Still the One - Orleans


What is your biggest secret?
Nothing But a Child - Kathy Mattea
Can't find this one either - so here's "Mary Did You Know"



What do you think of your friends?
Down in Mexico - The Coasters
Starts 1:10 into this scene from Grindhouse. Pooteewheet downloaded it, but I have yet to get a lapdance to it (alt).


What will you post this as?
Highland Cathedral - Amy Grant
Also unfindable - so here's "I Need a Silent Night"

Year in Review Meme - 2008

Pilfered from She Says. I always do her memes.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Tried to eat a 30” pizza (with help). Had a disagreeable surgery. Biked a historic trail in the West Virginia/Maryland/D.C. area (and the accompanying vacation with my family, and cross country beer delivery to She Says). Viking Brewery tour with Kyle and Adam.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions except to promise myself sometime around New Year’s (two months before or after) what ride I’m going to aim for that year so I know how much I should train. My big goal was to ride the C&O Trail, so I guess I succeeded.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Physically, mentally, familial or spiritually? No…I think all the kids are at least 1 year old now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No one extremely close to me. But I was sad that George Carlin died.

5. What countries did you visit?
None! We did an in-country vacation. I did travel to Rochester, NY. One could pretend it was a different country if one were to squint a lot.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A more concrete sense of direction. I never feel quite as organized as I’d like to be.

7. What dates will you remember from 2008?
November 14^th, my 40^th birthday.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Became a manager. Finished the MS 150. Did a ton of bicycle riding. Any year I do a lot of riding I count as an achievement.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failures suck. I generally just decide something in them is a success. Seriously – I’m very anti-failure. My middle of the road attitude keeps me happy, but it’s also the reason for #6.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I suffered surgery. Not exactly illness or injury – but the follow up infection was probably illness and recovery has lasted about a month so far. Today was the first day I’ve climbed on my bike since the day before I visited the doctor. Leaning forward in the bars is fine. Sitting straight up in the seat to rest isn’t so restful.

11. What was the best thing you bought/received?
Super cool bike posters from many of my relatives/inlaws for my 40^th birthday.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My wife’s. She’s been much more cheerful most of 2008 despite lots of visits to the pain doctor and some nasty injections.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The general behavior of everyone I meet in public. I like people, but in general I despise their behavior toward other human beings.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Health care. School tuition for Eryn. The ethereal plane (at least the money that was in my 401(k)s and stock plan).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Bicycling with Ming and Kyle throughout the summer and bicycling in D.C. Bicycling makes me excited. And when it falls through, it’s one of the few things that depresses me.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?
Katy Perry: I Kissed a Girl. Finger Eleven: Paralyzer.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: fatter or thinner?
Thinner.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Bicycling. Seriously. Hmm….I have another answer as well. I reserve that one for my own amusement.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Reading bad books. Watching television (that I watched while not on my bike trainer).

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas eve with my side of the family at my brother’s house north of the cities. Christmas day with Pooteewheet’s side of the family at her parents’ house north of the cities.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Like with a dream? With an ideal? With a commitment to excellence? No… Although Eryn had a little paper fortune teller that told me I would. When I mentioned I’d have to divorce her mother first, she was very irritated with me. I pointed out that whoever I fell in love with, presumably a British woman of some sort, and a doctor according to Eryn’s fortune telling device, would be her new mother, so it wasn’t that bad. But she wasn’t having any of it.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I like The Office. 30 Rock. Fringe. Dexter. Heroes.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I’m not a hater. I’m a lover. Or maybe I’m a loser baby… But no. I reserve my hate for institutions and political entities.

25. What was the best book you read?
I covered this in my book list. The top of the crop included The Fifth Elephant (Discworld XXIII), Absurdistan, The Android's Dream, The Rape of Nanking: The Forgotten Holocaust of World War II, Welcome to Tranquility, The Practice of Management, Confederates In the Attic: Dispatches from the Unfinished Civil War. If I had to pick one, then The Practice of Management with Confederates in the Attic a close second.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Probably Rock Band at Klund’s house. We now own Rock Band II, which we bought Pooteewheet for Christmas/Anniversary (our 15^th)/Birthday. Right now I can hear clack-clack-clack as she beats the drums.

27. What did you want and get?
A management job. To ride the C&O Trail in D.C. To meet She Says.

28. What did you want and not get?
Someone else to fix the rental properties. Pooteewheet to be pain free by the end of the year.

29. What were your favorite films of this year?
I had a list for this too. Woman in the Dunes. In Bruges. Batman.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Pretty low key, but we did eat out. I turned 40 this year.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
See #28. More bicycling. More by myself. More with my bike group. More with Ming and Kyle. More with Eryn.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Managerial. At least after about March. I’m no longer a jeans guy.

33. What kept you sane?
Eryn. She’s a good egg and keeps Pooteewheet and I cheerful even when we don’t want to be. Also, bicycling keeps me sane. I can truly pedal away my problems.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I’ve always fancied Minnie Driver. But that’s not really a 2008 thing. Sarah Silverman was sort of my thing the last few years. But that’s not really 2008 either. Maybe Emmanuelle Chriqui. I’ve always thought she was cute, although that whole You Don’t Mess With the Zohan thing was really too bad. Wait. I recant and revise. Definitely Brad Pitt. I watched him pimp his eco friendly housing for hurricane victims project and talk about how much he loves his family. He seems like he’d be fun, and inspiring, to know, although I wouldn’t want to be in his Fight Club.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Getting the current administration out of office. What a clusterfuck.

36. Who did you miss?
Friends when I’m on a ride without them. My old work group. I really had fun with a few of them. Particularly Bruce and Jody.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met She Says and her husband (to be). I met my new boss and new group and all the people associated with my department that I didn’t know well before. I met some great programmers from the UK. I met a bunch of coworkers on the MS150 ride I didn’t know very well. I met all the Facebook friends that I’d lost touch with. I met a strange group of people at a campground in Chetek who thought I was there as some sort of a gay karaoke ménage.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Same lesson I have always embraced. (Despite my fascination with dystopias and the inevitability of the world to try to make life miserable for everyone) Things always get better.

Big Damn Meme

A big damn meme, courtesy of Princess Max. Add your own item to the end if you use it.

Have you ever?

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (not quite)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (although I've finished a day out of office where I got better part way through).
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke (does Rock Band count?)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (bought a total stranger a CD once)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I was on a clown show on t.v.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies (I did sell Boy Scout candy)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (a fish)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (I saw Wang Chung - maybe that's not the same as meeting them. But I met a famous clown. A famous child actor from Sigmund and the Sea Monster. And the archbishop of the Methodist Church in 1985. I should be covered).
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby ("had")
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
101. Been within five feet of a wild animal that wasn't a squirrel or a bird?
102. Biked across a state.

Christmas Meme

We're down half a million jobs in the last month? That is seriously bad holiday season mojo. I don't want to think about it at the moment because it's sad, so I'm going to tackle a Christmas meme I picked up from Sunshine on my Toes instead.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
I hate gift bags with a passion. If I had my druthers, I'd just hand the present to someone unwrapped, which would indicate I should prefer bags to paper, but my hatred of bags outweighs their similarity to my natural inclination.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
Fake. My mother once called Pooteewheet and I scrooges or some such thing because one year we didn't even have a tree when Christmas wasn't being hosted at our house (we were headed to Arizona). So we've generally had a fake tree because I'm not sentimental enough to have to go strap one to the top of the car every year. A little one that lived on top of the entertainment unit when we lived in apartments, and seven foot (or so) one now that we're in a house. Theoretically, we could host a 15 footer in the kitchen which would be impressive, but I think my ladder is still in the tennants' garage. As an aside, Pooteewheet and I were married in front of a Christmas tree at the Methodist Church in Monticello. The ornaments on the tree had been hung for as long as I'd been at the chruch.

3. When do you put up the tree?
Earliest, the weekend after Thanksgiving. Latest - a day or two before the holiday.

4. When do you take the tree down?
No later than one month after Christmas, at which point it starts to offend my "there's junk in my house" sensibilities.

5. Do you like eggnog?
Delicious, but bad for me. I prefer with alcohol. Ring Mountain has egg nog gelato. If you can stand a full cup, it's good stuff.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Tough one. I got some great gifts. I really liked getting my first DVD player. Dan'l gave me a best of Aerosmith CD before my parents gave me the DVD player, so that was memorable.

7. Hardest person to buy for?
Anyone in my extended family and friends in the age range of about .5 to 1.5. I just don't know what the hell to buy them. I always want to buy something that's good through age 6, and that's just not possible.

8. Easiest person to buy for?
My wife, Pooteewheet. I have a list as long as my...arm.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
Sort of. I have a hand-made wood ornament from 35 years ago that has a nativity scene on it. But no standalone version. As another aside, my coworker has to sit next to a cubemate who has a nativity scene in his cube. That would bug the be-Jesus out of me.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
ARGH. I hate Christmas cards. And thank you cards. And invitations. I am horrible at them and despise them, even though I enjoy reading them when I get them from others. Can we all just agree to Facebook each other a "Happy Holidays"?

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
If Kyle had given me Madonna's True Blue for Christmas, I'd nominate that - but I think that was a birthday gift. So I'll have to say "cheese set" - the cheeses are never as good as if someone had just picked one particular cheese and purchased a really good one.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
Probably Christmas Story. Not because it's a classic. It's just damn funny. But Joyeux Noel is an excellent Christmas movie. And I'm also partial to Bad Santa (Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!) and White Christmas.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Before Pooteewheet (and early on in our relationship) year round. I'd have items set aside in a closet waiting for Christmas as early as the previous Christmas. Since her, I shop much closer to Christmas, generally the month before.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
That would be rude. I find a use, or I find someone who wants it when it's not Christmas.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
It's a NodToNothing family tradition - Fondue (swiss and wine and cheddar and beer, but sometimes onion and whiskey).

16. Lights on the tree?
One color on the top and another on the bottom. We're discussing something with a bit more multiracial theme to match the ethnic angel on the top.

17. Favorite Christmas songs:
We Three Kings. Little Drummer Boy. Kathy Mattea. Amy Grant. If it has almost a depressing edge to it, I prefer those.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Used to travel to Arizona, but now we stay at home for the most part (with a short excursion to the in-laws' house for the second celebration).

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
Not without singing them. But do you recall....the most fa-mous reindeer of all....

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
Angel - she's black, or perhaps brown. Actually ethnicity is really sort of up for debate. We are whitebread. We did once put my sister's picture on the top of the tree in Arizona. I'm pretty sure it's not sacriligious given all the Hallmark ornaments with beer and Coke products and even Scooby Doo.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Christmas Eve for my family. Christmas Day for Pooteewheet's family.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
The sheer amount of attempts to solicit donations. We go out of our way to pick a few, and once we do, someone(s - many of them) asks for donations to a different fund. It's not because we're scrooges (despite what my mother says), rather that I try to donate quite a bit of money, until it's noticeable on my bottom line, throughout the year instead, where I can solicit matching funds from work which makes my money work harder for people in need. So maybe I'm practical to the point of being a scrooge as I want my donation to be 150% of what I donate (we still donate to a few toy charities during the holiday. Kids should get presents, even if they're practical, like clothes).

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
My grandfather always bought us a Hallmark ornament every year. Since he's passed on, we still get an ornament from his estate money every year. Those are my favorites (and the majority of what's on our tree). Some others include the Snoopy plastic ornament that was part of set my brother and I bought for my mother one Christmas and a glass bird with tinsel tail feathers that's probably as old as I am.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Fondue. See above - it's our tradition.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
For those 500,000 people to find jobs soon and to hang out with my friends and family during the holiday season for food, drinking and gaming.

Bike Meme

First off, unrelated. Kyle, I had your birthday present sent to my house, so you didn't accidentally return it. I don't think it'll be here by our ride on Sunday, but maybe by next week.

So, Eclectchick didn't tag me, but I like her bicycle meme, so I'm going to steal it. Sort of like sticking a Bic pen in her Kryptonite Evolution.

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?
This is incredibly difficult, because I've never found the perfect bike. I have several bikes at the moment. My mountain bike - a Trek with semi nobbies - which I just rode on the C&O. My hybrid, that I rode on RAGBRAI. My Bianchi Brava with a bent frame that's now permanently strapped to my Cyclosimulator. My Brike that I bought for $50 and only Dan'l has ever ridden. And my Specialized Allez A1 which I seldom ride, but have ridden enough to chew through a set of tires, which is more than most people can say. I love my Allez, and I think if it weren't for me riding it, it would be worth more than when I bought it, given the snazzy components that changed to a lower grade the next summer. I only wish I could ride it more, because the Minnesota roads and my weight are hell on the poor thing. That said, I do have bike lust and often drool over what other cyclists are riding around the lakes. But if I had to pick, I think I'd say I really want a bamboo road bike with rosewood water bottle cages. I have no doubt it would be exceedingly comfortable, and I'd never lack for a conversation starter on a ride.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?
I do not have a bamboo bike. Calfees are almost $2000 just for the frame and that's always seemed outside my bike range. After all, I generally enforce a $10,000 limit on our cars. Maybe I should be saving my gift certificates from work, friends and family until I'm close.

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why? This is an evil question, because part of my midlife crisis was to start doing some longer rides every year. I know it's weak as a midlife crisis, but I'm just not cut out for the whole sports car and mistress thing. RAGBRAI and the C&O are my substitutes. So until I get some bigger rides under my belt, it's hard to say. But if I was forced to choose right now, my favorite ride is up to Minnehaha, around the lakes, across the Greenway, down the river, and back to Eagan. If it was every day for the rest of my life, I'd probably argue that once I dumped out of the Greenway onto the river, I should get to cross into St. Paul and come up the far side of the river. I do that ride a lot. Of course, I could also claim I'd do the St. Paul Bike Classic every day for the rest of my life, at least if it involved forcing my friends to ride the same ride and share breakfast every day. They really make that ride a highlight of my year.

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride for the rest of her / his life? That's a good question. Bicycling is about freedom to go wherever you want. I suspect it's a crit rider. I never understood why anyone would want to do a damn loop more than once.

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrowminded? I ride both. I prefer the mountain bike, because Minnesota roads don't immediately force me into truing the tires. But if the roads were as smooth as my bottom, I'd pick the road bike every time. Just sitting on that thing makes me smile.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent? No. Thought about it, and then decided it wasn't really bicycling. I would ride a recumbent if my bike fell apart at the welds and I had to tie it together with bungie cords in a recumbent configuration in order to get to the next town 60 miles down the trail.

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss? No. But, I was training for a triathlon (really, there's only one 'a'?) when I noticed I had foot pain and the doc told me I'd lost all the cartilage in my big toe and shouldn't run, ever. This was proof that bicycling was good. Running was bad. Swimming, was purgatory.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why? Ice cream. In a second. Wow is that a non question.

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it. At what point do bike shorts become too worn, and have you ever worn a pair past this "due date"? I have been behind too many people who wear their bike shorts well past the expiration date, when there's this sort of diaphanous window into their crackosity. It always detracts from my riding experience, because it's unignorable, much like the woman on the Bike Classic with a thong. Stupidest thing you ever did on a ride is a close second question. Mine was riding the C&O with only a Cliff Bar when the first town was 60 miles away, followed closely by taking the wrong tube to the C&O so I couldn't ride the second day. Grrrrr.....

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do? Bear schmear. Bears don't eat bicycles. I'd just keep riding as long as it didn't take me closer to the bear. I do know that, according to the guy who invented the bear wrestling suit, that two knives are necessary in any bear situation, and I generally only carry a single razor knife, but I'm wicked with an allen wrench and CO2 pump if it all goes hairy.

I tag 1.) Kyle and Ming, in the comments, 2.) Pete Ryan, and 3.) any friend who bikes.

Sank's Meme

Courtesy of Sank, the New Kid Meme:

1. Any nickname? Scooter. Dexter. I was just lamenting that when I last switched jobs, my Scooter nickname went away. Not enough Scotts in my group to make it necessary.

2. Mother’s name? Ellen

3. Favorite drink? Beer. Many different kinds of beer. And scotch, when I can afford it.

4. Tattoos? Only on my wife.

5. Body Piercings? Like Sank, my hole grew over. My ear hole. Still have a lump where the hole was. Or is this a question about whether I like body piercings. I do - I'm a fan.

6. Sank censored number six. Was it dirty? Perhaps. So I'll make up a confusing question: "Most recent sexual term you heard that you didn't understand?" Arabian Goggles (thanks to Kevin on G4 TV)

7. Birthplace? San Jose

8 Favorite vacation spot? Loved New Orleans. Love London.

9.Ever been to Africa? No

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes, with beer.

11. Ever been on TV? Yes. On a show staring a clown who is now dead.

12. Ever steal any traffic sign? Sign...sign....I think this leaves some room for interpretation that works in my favor. I have never stolen a traffic sign.

13. Ever been in a car accident? Hit a light post near Brooklyn Park. Big one. It came down.

14. 2-door or 4-door vehicle? Four doors all around.

15. Favorite salad dressing? I loathe most condiments - salad dressing, ketchup, mustard, disgusting.

16. Favorite Pie? Rhubarb and Strawberry (really, rhubarb and most any berry)

17. Favorite number? 31, for no particular reason

18. Favorite movie? Once upon a time it was The Princess Bride, but I think I'm not partial Breaking Away and American Flyers. An honorable mention for Dawn of the Dead.

19. Favorite holiday? May Day.

20. Favorite dessert? Ice cream. Probably Izzy's.

21. Favorite food? Thai.

22. Favorite day of the week? Sunday - lots of time to bike.

23. Favorite brand of body wash? Soap. Shampoo if I'm out of soap.

24. Favorite toothpaste? Crest.

25. Favorite smell? Hops.

26. What do you do to relax? Bicycling. Hamock.

27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? You would not believe how many people have asked me this question in the last month. I see myself wiser and still as happy with the world as I am now. My goals are simple.

28. Furthest place you will send this message? My blog.

29. Who will respond to this the fastest? She Says

Questions from the Peanut Gallery:

A. Favorite Author: Orwell or Morrow

B. Favorite Book: Depends on the genre. History: At The Hands of Persons Unknown: The Lynching of Black America. SciFi: War With the Newts. Overall (because of a predilliction to dystopic literature): 1984 or We.

C. Favorite Sport: Bicycling.

D. Favorite Team: Garmin Chipotle.

100 Monkey Meme (Apes Can Apply) - the 20% version

I TAG NO ONE (unless you've been perpetually tagged already, in which case you have to beg off, and my sister, who studied apes, and wanted to be an ape mother for many years, so she should be able to answer all of these). Who the hell can fill out an ape/monkey meme? Me. But really...anyone else? If you can...you're tagged, but I think it's a small subset of society.

Name a Monkey
Macaque, crab eating. Or...if I'm requesting a proper name, and I often don't know my own mind...Lancelot Link.

What's a Humanzee?
Part human, part chimpanzee...all brutal socialist warrior.

Sock monkey - love 'em, or hate 'em?
Hate 'em. They're creepy. Because they have luscious full lips. Like you should kiss them. Repeatedly.

Anatomically correct sock monkey (perhaps NSFW) - love 'em, or hate 'em? Literally?
No. Ew. Disgusting. They're boys. Girl sock monkeys...remains to be assessed.

Favorite monkey movie?
Return to the Planet of the Apes. Those damn dirty apes. They did it. They finally did it. No...wait. That was us. We did. it. But it all turned out for the best - we gained fleshy headed mutant abilities and I've been looking forward to that since I was six.

Lancelot Link. Have you ever even heard of it?
Hell yes. I watched the original AND a documentary where they talked to the creators. INSPIRED. And now, Netflixable - which is why Netflix is one of my few brand affinity products.

Evolution or Creationism?
Evolution. Never understood why creationists can't believe God is smarter than they are. It's not demeaning - it's freaking inspired and beautiful. The Bible's a metaphor: pedagogical, allegorical, anagogical - or, if you prefer, metaphorical, moral, and anagogical with just a bit of the literal tossed in. P.Z. Myers is cool beans.

Monkey testing?
Assholes. The people, not the apes and monkeys.

Monkeys in space?
Honestly...monkey testing is for assholes. But if monkeys and apes are half as smart as they seem to be, that monkey has to be tripping the rift. S/he's got some idea what's going on, and I'm pretty sure it's along the lines of, "This is the highest, fucking damn tree ANYONE has every climbed. No one is going to shoot me with a dart arrow frog poison dart up here. And I am SO getting me the juiciest choicest mango in existence!"

Helper monkeys?
Oh fuck no. Little bastards could, would, and should kill me in my sleep for subjugating their peeps. I in no way want any pet that's smarter than my dog, and she's pretty damn passive-aggressive obstinate sometimes.

100 Monkey Theory? Believe it?
I only have half a dozen friends and a dozen family members. I can't prove it yet. But I will.

12 Monkeys?
Oooo....dystopic Bruce Willis directed by Terry Gilliam. Fine! Almost as good as Brazil, which has no monkeys whatsoever. I might have to revise my favorite monkey movie - this one rocks.

James Cole: Look at them. They're just asking for it. Maybe the human race deserves to be wiped out.
Jeffrey Goines: Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great. But more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals.

Gorillas in the Mist or Every Which Way But Loose?
Why is this question even in my head? Is there a right answer? That orangutan should have ripped Clint Eastwood limb from limb, despite the free beer. But Gorillas in the Mist is boring. So neither. I choose King Kong. And not that gay 1976 movie with Jeff Bridges where we're too dumb to realize Kong thinks the Twin Towers look like part of his island so we have to have it overlayed. And I feel bad when I see the towers. The 1933 Ray Harryhausen stop motion version. I'd give a nod to Peter Jackson's remake, but Kong playing butt skater is boring.

Funiest Ape/Monkey related moment?
Alan Alda being stalked by a horny ape because he's the exotic stranger on Scientific American Frontiers.

Posts in which I mention apes?
6

Posts in which I mention monkey?
21

Monkeys or apes?
Apes. Smarter...and it pisses LissyJo off when you call apes monkeys and I like my sister.

War Games?
I have a visceral gagging reflex just thinking about it. It could have only been worse if Sarah Jessica Parker had costarred instead of Helen Hunt.

Name another ape
Grape Ape - it's gorill-ill-ill-ill-la!

Most peculiar monkey/ape page you can find?
Famous apes in history

Craft Meme

I made this one up myself. No, I'm not that bored. I wrote two stories today, took my daughter to breakfast and to the doctor, my car to the shop, found presents for my nephew's birthday party, returned my library books, read 50 pages, watched an episode of Weeds, went to live music at the local coffee shop, and still managed to put in a more productive day at work than usual. If I was cheerful all the time, I'd be Mr. Productive.

I would like to add that just like I tagged She Says for all Memes forever, I am now tagging SAHM for all memes in perpetuity. This is a craft meme, which should be her forte'. I will be tagging someone in perpetuity with each new meme, just so I don't ever have to target anyone in particular again.

Craft Meme - pass it along to anyone you know who has ever crafted, attempted to craft, or been the victim of a driveby crafting.

Do you knit?
No

Do you sew?
Only enough to attach a button or fix a sock.

Don't look it up. Don't. Look. It. Up. If you're reading this on someone else's blog, do this part mentally before continuing on. Define the following terms, and when you're done, put the answers at the very bottom of this meme: tatting, flocking, kerf and selvedge - make up a definition if you don't know. At this location (with a link) add a crafting term you think is uncommon, but which you know, to the list for others to define.

What's your favorite craft store?
Either the home brew store or Michael's, as Michael's has frames for my bicycling posters and a
circle punch for cutting out pieces for The Menorah Game.

Do you have a crafting hobby that is not knitting or sewing (what)?
Beer. I think it may be stretching it somewhat to call what I do craft brewing, but I believe it is officially just that. Rudimentary origami. In the past I have made beaded bells and done latchhook.

Have you ever latch hooked anything? Is it still on display somewhere?
Yes. A boat. Two cats. There is latch hook in the house (the cats). I suspect the girl I gave a latch hook clown to in high school may still have it in a closet with the rest of her clown collection. She probably pulls it out now and then so her husband can laugh so hard he almost chokes on his beer.

Doll crafting. Why do they do it?
Real children are imperfect and messy. Dolls are not. They are perfect in all ways. Real children should not poop, nor spit, and should be born complete with a historical ethos.

What was your favorite craft hobby as a child?
Felt. I loved to play with felt - cutting it out into animals and objects and playing and making stories on the felt board.

Do you admit to crafting, or do you call it something else (like DIY)?
I've never admitted to crafting, even when it was obvious I was crafting by beading. I talk about brewing. After that, I get evasive.

List everything you've tried from a crafting perspective:
Latchhook. Beer/brewing. Woodwork. Baking. Beading. Origami. Pottery (there are ash trays around somewhere. Nothing as nice as my sister's pottery, but mine is more historical). Ah...I forgot High School and Boy Scouts. Painting. Leatherwork. Carving. Ropemaking. Basketweaving (I have my basketry merit badge). There must be others. Merit badges are all about crafts.

Ever been injured while crafting?
Wood carving. I cut the end of my thumb bad enough I probably should have gotten stitches. Twice.

Has anything you've crafted been displayed at a state fair, regional fair, county fair, 4-H meeting, or similar event?
My art has been displayed at school when I was younger. Specifically, I remember my art teacher being very complimentary of a paper mache Easter Egg diorama I made, only to be frustrated to learn I was going to give it to a girl.

Have you ever worn anything you bought at a crafting fair? (or anything someone bought you at a crafting fair)?
Not to my knowledge.

What's the most interesting thing you've ever crafted?
Beer. Everyone loves a finely crafted beer. The giant Valentine's card I made for Kris in high school, although that was more along the lines of 60%+ Kyle crafting. He owned more wood tools then then I do now.

Have you ever sold your crafts?
No.

Have you given your crafts to others?
Beaded bells to literally everyone as Christmas ornaments: family, friends, prospective dates. Must be 10% of Monticello. I've also given latch hook rugs to a few people. My wife, which isn't so embarrassing. And the clown incident noted above. I've also given homebrew to anyone who would drink it, and used to attend my friend Greg's annual brewing party where beer was exchanged.

If you could instantly gain a crafting ability what would it be?
The ability to make medieval armor and weapons. Is that one ability or two? If I gained the ability to be truly good at a craft, I might hesitate and ponder whether I wanted to be a really good brewer/mead maker.

And what would you make?
Maces. Swords. Polearms. Mesh bikinis.

For whom?
Anyone who wanted to beat on the practice dummy in the back yard wearing a mesh bikini.

Do you have a relative who has crafted something that's considered a family (or personal) treasure?
My mother makes quilts. I have one. My siblings each have one. And now the grandkids do. Grandpa Harry knitted sweaters and mittens that were highly coveted. My Dad latch hooked the rug I slept on when I was pre-K and very involved in nap time. My mother made Eryn a Bob the Bear that exactly mimics the bear I had as a kid. We don't have a lot of hand-me-down furniture and these are absolutely the equivalent.

Before you look, how many pictures do you suspect are listed by Google related to the craft of sock monkeys?
6500

Explain your personal, presumably ad hoc, opinion about people who virtually craft in virtual
worlds (like World of Warcraft)? Is it crafting?
No. It's game playing and economic modeling. You don't have to have a craft skill to create a craft in World of Warcraft, you just have to have time, the ability to read the help files, and a
desire to game, which isn't a craft, despite what any nerd might say. Yeah, yeah, you created a unique something-something fiery sword of elf slaying with a geotagged enchantment that does more damage closer to the point of origin. Whatever. You're playing a game.

You're trapped in Bill Murray's Groundhog Day. What crafting skill would you refuse to learn despite having infinite time to learn it?
My apologies to my sister-in-law and SAHM, but scrapbooking. They make pretty invitations and books - but it's so not anything I can relate to. I imagine I relate to it as much as they relate to wanting to code C#. Also, lace making. I don't think I own anything with lace, so what would be the point?

Definitions:

1. tatting - telling on your friends or siblings. Not really. I know this one - it's related to making lace, somehow. Maybe fixing the edges of frayed lace?
   
2. flocking - what's done to a Christmas tree by spraying it with crap that looks like snow.
   
3. kerf - a hat, worn by native Afghanis. Hey! I looked this one up, and Kerf and Afghanistan are not unrelated.
   
4. selvedge - edge of a bolt of fabric (I believe I learned this from my mother, because I don't know why else it's a word that I know).
   

Memity Meme - Table Talk

Before I get started, let me just say that I tag She Says always and forever for any meme that shall appear in this space, even if she quits blogging. She'll just have to answer the memes in her head. That said, I shall be mining Visceral Observations: I, Me and Poonam for a few memes, merely because he left a comment on my blog. Here's Table Talk Meme, courtesy of Poonam:

What’s your favorite table?
All memes should have questions like this, because it's a question you would never normally consider. I refuse to specifically name or describe the table just because it might make house guests uncomfortable, but in the interest of honest, full disclosure, the one Eryn was conceived upon.

What would you have for your last supper?
Tricky question. If it wasn't one kind of sushi, but a sort of eat-different-varieties-until-you're-done thing, then sushi, as I can eat it for a long time and I love the rainbow of flavors and textures. And beer.

What’s your poison?
Beer, absolutely. And it should be considered a food - there's a reason people refer to it as bread in a bottle and that monks considered a way not to die while fasting.

Name your three desert island ingredients.
Beer. A big bag of rice to put the seaweed, fish and eel bits on. (that's not lots of ingredients - I'm going to assume fishing, seaweed and coconuts come for free on a deserted island. If it were a desserted island, I'd assume I could have free cake and crumpets). Last one is tough - but something dessert-centered. Ice cream. Definitely. I could add coconut to spice it up a bit.

What would you put in Room 101?
This is in some way a table-related question? Is it related to the basics of cooking? Then it would be healthy piles of the trinity of cooking (bell peppers, onions and celery) plus potatoes and carrots. You could eat a lot of Cajun stew in room 101.

Which book gets you cooking?
My Betty Crocker book of state fair award winning cakes.

What’s your dream dinner party line-up?
I like eating with my friends and family - Pooteewheet, Kyle, the CookieQueens. I think New Year's Eve is one of my favorite eating events. It's not overly fancy, but there's tons of food, and everyone is excited about the food, the drinks and the company.

What was your childhood teatime treat?
We didn't have tea time. But my grandmother used to treat us to a.) icees, b.) a liquified icee hi-c drink in those little plastic containers that predated juice packs, or c.) vienna weiners (sausage). Sometimes I got a popsicle, so I now have a minor addiction to them as I feel they ward off vienna sausages.

What was your most memorable meal?
Emeril's restaurant in New Orleans. Fantastic. Eating at Hell's Kitchen - I think I remember most of the times I've been there as individual events and what I was eating.

What was your biggest food disaster?
I once mixed up the sugar and salt in a batch of chocolate chip ookies. I had to have been drunk. They tasted like the ocean.

What’s the worst meal you’ve ever had?
Pooteewheet's peanut butter pork. Think peanut butter sandwich. But made with pork, not slices of bread.

Who’s your food hero/food villain?
Elton Brown. I saw him biking on the Minnehaha Trail on Monday. Ask Kyle. He saw him. Elton makes food fun - I think that's important. Andrew Zimmern is fun, but I will label him a food villain, because I wouldn't eat those things he eats on Bizarre Foods.

Nigella or Delia?
Nigella - but not for any cooking prowess, and only in a sweater, or a t-shirt that says "English Muffin".

Vegetarians: genius or madness?
I'm always trying to eat less meat, so I respect the position, until it tips over into the madness of no cheese, eggs, milk or fish. Fish are food, not friends. I like Klund's position of only eating animals that aren't cute as babies, and the definition of cute rests ultimately with him. My preference is to eat fish and birds when I can.

Fast food or fresh food?
Fresh. I have a soft spot for burritos at Chipotle, which might be considered fast food, but I think they're border line. Fast food to me is McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. I guess places like Noodles and Co, Chipotle and Panera are also fast food in a sort of nouveau fashion, but they're different from those other places in a quantifiable enough manner that I chose them over the old school burger joints almost every time.

Who would you most like to cook for?
Minnie Driver. Possibly naked. Her. Me. Both of us. Whatever. Of course, not until after the food was done - wouldn't want to singe anything. And I'd make her repeatedly read the recipe from the cookbook to me while I was cooking.

What would you cook to impress a date?
I always made lasagna. Fancy, but not too hard. Easy to match to a wine. Any wine. Even a wine on a college budget. Perfect with a salad and garlic bread. If a girl kisses you with garlic breath, you're doing something right.

Scooter's added question - favorite food-centered movie?
Tom Jones because I was an English major? NOT. It would be Big Night, directed by Stanley Tucci. You don't need a detective's license to figure out why.

Make a wish.
Jiminy Cricket sang it best...

When you wish for a beer,
Makes no difference, don't you fear,
Anything your thirst desires,
Will come to you.

If a beer is in your dream,
Just don't go to extremes,
When you wish for a beer,
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who thirst
The sweet fulfillment
Of their secret longing

Like a Summit out of the blue
Fate steps in and hands you two
When you wish for a beer
Your dreams come true.