Sunday, January 21, 2007

I Have God's Email Address

(update: cleaned up loves to loaves and some spelling/formatting - doh. Pooteewheet said I should note that there are newer posts actually below this one.)

Yep, he left his card at a local coffee shop. It makes a certain amount of sense to me that if there's a creator, he (or she, or noodly it, I'm not picky) needs coffee to get through a day of creation and/or putting up with the prayers of others. If I had to talk to the Pope on a regular basis, I'd be downing the blackest cup of Peace Coffee I could lay my hands on. Then again, if I was god, I wouldn't be hanging in Lakeville, I'd find a home inside the loop.

So, I know you're wondering...what's his address? How do I reach him? Is this a substitute for prayer? If I'm Catholic, do I have to send an email to Pope at first, and he'll forward it to God? Does God get mad if I turn that "notify me when read" feature on in Outlook, just to make sure I know he's paying attention?

I don't know the answers to those questions, though I suspect in the last case, Old Testament God would smite you for using "notify me when read", whereas Jesus would just send you FishesandLoaves.vbs. But, I could be wrong, after all, based on the address, which I think you could have figured out for yourself, God seems to be a Bill Gates fan.
While I find the idea of owning God's email address amusing, I find this video sermon, How to Pick Up Chicks, by the church that manages god's email address (Harmony, in Lakeville, part of their Sermons for Dummies series), disturbing. I kept expecting there to be a religious "punch line". You know what I mean. Talk about all the pick up lines you use, give cheesy examples, be obnoxious, and then in the end, "Hey, I go to Harmony where we worship in a hip, fun manner, with downloads and podcasts and direct access to God's email. Sort of God 2.0, if you're hip with the tech speak. And if you are, boy am I the Christian geek boy for you. Wanna go out Friday night to a youth sermon?" But that's not how it plays out. It devolves into some sort of masochistic, fetish, slapping video. Don't believe me that's a fetish? Just trawl Google (probably nsfw).


eternal footman said...

In some sort of odd paradox, I am a tech geek specializing in Active Directory, trying to learn J2ME who found this post after Googling "what is God's email?"

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