Sunday Morning Ad Hoc

I need breakfast...I'm sure it's at The Louisiana Grill and I have to pick up a baby saucer for a Chinese adoptee today (did Korean adoptees decide to use the acronym KADs just to force Chinese adoptees to use the acronym CADs?) from my brother in law, and they're in the same general area - kismet!

Three Ways News (Jambo) has a post about the Maplewood Church and their 20% walkout over tying Christianity to politics (the right 20% left...haha...punny).

He said Christians these days were constantly outraged about sex and perceived violations of their rights to display their faith in public...“Those are the two buttons to push if you want to get Christians to act,” he said. “And those are the two buttons Jesus never pushed.”

Religion News Blog has a post about Ole Anthony, an ex-religious television guy who spends his time de-bunking evangelicals. I posted about Ole once before in December 2004 because he hails from St. Peter, Minnesota.

"If somebody comes to you in the name of God asking for money, shun him. He's a false Apostle."

And the Dakotas are experiencing a serious drought. No doubt because God favors their actions and wants to let everyone know where they are so they can read about their god-fearing ways. The mayor of Steele, North Dakota, thinks they'd be better off with a snow storm. Seems he can tell the difference between extremes of weather and extremes of impact of that weather, unlike the nutjob who wrote the urban legend letter about how a snow storm in the Mondak was the equivalent of a hurricane in New Orleans. Remember, you think federal assistance is for losers, so just buck it up - hopefully god isn't turning you into some sort of desert to demonstrate a point.

Fluke, Or I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

I like Christopher Moore, although sometimes his characters get a little flippant and thus less like characters and more like caricatures as he tries to wrap up his endings. Fluke brought out the worst of that habit as far as I was concerned. And, although I enjoyed it (I like his writing, so that cuts a lot of slack), I have to admit that when I was all done, I was left with the dreadful impression that I'd already read the book. Where....when....oh yeah...I saw Phantoms with Ben Affleck, it was the bomb (so saith Jay of Jay and Silent Bob)!

Bottom line Fluke = Phantoms - 4% on RottenTomatoes (0% cream of the crop), staring Rose McGowan, Ben Affleck and Peter O'Toole Phantoms - it just happens that the creature involved is benevolent in Moore's case (and nicely ensconced in some decent writing), whereas the Phantoms creature is malevolent. Fluke is worth reading, but if you're a crappy horror movie addict like myself and you've seen Phantoms, it's probably going to ruin it for you.

Tristram Shandy

I watched the first 4/5 of Tristram Shandy - A Cock and Bull Story earlier today (interspersed with some writing, 75 minutes on the indoor trainer and work on the upstairs bathroom). Very amusing. I particularly like Steve Coogan (also in Coffee and Cigarettes by Jarmusch if you're reading Erik) noting that the book was number eight in the list of top novels, and his interviewer responding that the list was chronological. The movie is actually very much like the book in many respects, although it doesn't follow the book, but sort of riffs back and forth between trying to do the book and doing the actors doing the book, and doing the actors doing themselves in ways that are much like the book. It ends up being much more like the book than a straight interpretation of the text.

What's sort of surprising is that you get this impression that Sterne would have had a lot to say about bloggers. One of themes in Shandy is that as much as you try to impose order on life, life is unorderable. As much as you try to tell a story, other, almost random, things intrude. It made me think of all the bloggers who intend for their children to someday inherit a snapshot of their blog, so they can see what their parents were thinking about, and what sort of wisdom their parents had to offer as they aged, almost like Tristram's father's big book of knowledge that he's creating for Tristram (his Tristrapaedia [link goes to a summary of the book]). In reality, their kids are going to get Tristram Shandy the novel, a mixed mashup of heartfelt advice, semi-wit, and out-and-out random interest and linking that is nothing like a guide to life, but that nonetheless does show some sort of big picture, just probably not the picture the blogger intended, and certainly not one that makes their kid a better person unless the self-reflection has helped inspire better parenting.

I have decided that there's a piece of wisdom I can use from the book that I hadn't considered when I first read it as an English major. It seems to me that I should blog immediately before conjugal relations, that way Pooteewheet starts to associate my typing with a certain amount of...horniness. I type a lot.

As an aside, do you think Shrub ever read Tristram Shandy considering "The Skull and Bones secret society is rumoured [2] to use characters from Tristram Shandy in its rituals." (Wikipedia). I would be very surprised if he has, but if anyone bumps into him, joke about setting the clock and see if he cracks a smile.

Mel Gibson - Follow Up for LissyJo

My sister noted on her blog that Mel Gibson got busted on a DUI. But she forgot to mention his tirade against Jews. I just got done reading A Dirty Job by Moore - it seems like Gibson might be qualified to play Emperor of Malibu if the job opens up.

"Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you." The report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me."

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?" [TMZ.com]

Strange Things

Mean Mr. Mustard sort of bummed me out today with his lunch time talk about how perhaps the GOP isn't voting for minimum wage increases because it makes enlisting seem like a better option. Fortunately, they're willing to give a little if it means more money for the rich after they're dead.

She Says cheered me up, however, with her YouTubish Colbert Report post where Colbert interviews D.C. Congresswoman Norton. Good stuff. If you haven't seen him making fun of Good Morning America for criticising his show, that's also worth a look-see.

I saw a piece of E! News today where they were talking about Hillary Duff. The segment involved interviewing Ryan Seacrest about Hillary Duff. They were interviewing the show's host about the subject of the interview, and it was not a Colbert-esque spoof. Idiots.

I saw a plastic lizard lounging in the middle of 55 on the way home last night, near Minnehaha Park. I can only assume he came out from the tunnel to sun himself.

When I was at Chicago O'Hare the other week, I sat next to a guy who was on the phone with a friend and was explaining to him that their mutual friend had it all wrong and simply did "not understand the Holy Spirit business". He went on to further explain that just because Jesus said it doesn't mean it's what you should do. Really? I thought it was called Christianity for a reason. Holyspiritanity probably wouldn't have gotten quite so many recruits.

On Thursday I went to first floor to find a donut at the other end of the building. As I was walking back, two ladies were in front of me, walking side by side. We all walked the entire length of the building, about 2 minutes of walking, entirely quiet. They just walked side by side, and I focused on the deliciousness of my donut and whether I might eat it without being seen (I'm sort of of the opinion that eating donuts in the hallways can get you blacklisted as management material). When we got to the stairs at the end of the hallway, the second woman looked at the first and said, "That is the most sausage gravy I have ever heard of." Two minutes and no talking and then that! That had to be a lot of sausage gravy to generate two minutes of shock and awe.

There was an article on Yahoo about how they found the Graf Zeppelin off the coast of Poland, Nazi Germany's only air craft carrier. This amuses me because Dan'l's Uncle Bill used to buy air craft carriers for Germany when we played Axis and Allies (I think I've mentioned it before) and the Graf Zeppelin met the same fate as every one of his German air craft carriers. I think Kyle and Dan'l can both appreciate that this is what Uncle Bill always hoped for, yet he was never destined to see.


Dad left this weird photo on my computer at some point. I don't know why. And I also don't know why he messed up that shoreline by stacking all of those rocks so unnaturally. Chewing ice is much easier.

Some Bibbling

Tall Brad read the article about me on the company e-newsletter today and scoffed at the bit that noted that I always wear a smile so that I'm approachable. If the article had been written by someone else, his scoffing might have been unremarkable. But the article was a bit of personal pimping on my part, so I actually wrote the part about the smile. Brad felt sure that this was then intended as an inside joke for myself, because the only reason I would possibly write about always smiling was because I knew that I was smiling because I had a smart ass comment primed for the recipient of the smile. Hence, always smiling is a joke that references the fact that I'm ready with a joke... Very Shakespearian, and half correct. I do always try to make sure people feel I'm approachable. But I also added the smile bit as the very last line I wrote, even though it was the very first line in the article, because it sounded corny and because people who didn't know me should know that I try to be cheerful, and because people who do know me would know that I was being a bit of smart ass and that there was a bit of me in an article that was primarily about the work I do. Best of all worlds.

Speaking of work, my ex-co-project developer (he moved up, not out) has been stuck in five days of interproject limbo because he was retasked to finish a web service project for my group. I thought it was particularly funny today when he was complaining that the web service wrapper for the SAP functionality he was addressing was problematic because they wrapped bits of the product that were in German, so functions in the WSDL were still in German. It's hard enough working with the code in English.

And finally I think I'd like to apologize for being a bit spotty in my blogging, I'm going sort of 3, 0, 0, or 3, 0,3,0 when I post. Work's been a bit hectic lately, and although it's nothing like the 80-100 hour weeks I was putting in when I had a year with another project not so long ago, those hours were heads down coding - piles of paper in front of me, piles of XML behind me, XSL and Biztalk and Virtual PCs. This time it involves interacting with people, so those extra 10-12 hours are more painful. I like people, but they get in the way of code. Not in the way of creating something useful - you can't do that without user requirements and user needs - but in the way of actually physically sitting down and coding it. I find it difficult to go head down and slip into my own little world of logic only to be rousted out of zone by a cubeside question regarding whether the testing plan has been considered yet. My ex-lead has seen me come to from a few hours of coding when I had to spend a few minutes readjusting to English. To me that's proof positive that flipping back and forth every few minutes is just forcing efficient thought out of the way for both purposes.

Two Years

Hey! I missed my two year anniversary...

902 posts, over 36,000 hits since I started counting (18,000 in 2005, a little overy 16,000 so far this year and averaging about 2400 a month), and a bunch of blogger friends I like to talk to on a semi-regular basis. Seems respectable, though I obviously don't rate as much over two years as a clever picture on Worth rates in a day. But my value isn't as obvious as the picture - I'm more of an acquired habit.

Tales From Two States

It really starts to tell when I don't have time to read the blogs or news, because I miss stories about my own little corner of the world that absolutely should not be missed. How can I have spent the day not knowing that a significant portion of the U.S. was wondering what's wrong with Minnesota (Wonkette). Zombies in the streets with weapons of mass destruction mistaken for criminal clowns? Damn special.

"Six men and women wearing “ghoulish makeup” for a Zombie Dance Party were arrested in downtown Minneapolis on suspicion of toting “simulated weapons of mass destruction.” They wore backpacks with “wires sticking out, making it look like a bomb, while meandering and dancing to music.”

Police Inspector Janee Harteau said police were on high alert “because they’d gotten a bulletin about men who wear clown makeup while attacking and robbing people in other states.” "

The story from my parents' state (AZ - in Pandagon) isn't quite so funny, after all, a lot of people lost a lot of money. But they were religious folks trying to profit from religious construction ($585 million worth!). Maybe the praying isn't working because your god is trying to tell you that greed isn't a sanctioned virtue.

"Over 11,000 investors were drawn in with pious bible beating sales pitches, spun tales that money put into an enterprise were going fund the construction of Southern Baptist churches and they would deliver above-market returns. Of course William Pierre Crotts and Thomas Dale Grabinski didn’t know what they were doing and soon the whole shell game was falling apart, with new investors needed to new pay off the skyrocketing debt."

Chuck Norris Has to Pee

Kyle will remember Chuck Norris. Not the man...the action figure. I was digging around at the cabin for a few of my things, mostly photos, and came across one of my favorite mugs and a few action figures from my high school years. While the picture may capture a little of Chuck's glory, I recommend the YouTube video as a better example of the wonder that is his "squeeze my legs together like I have to pee really bad for a karate chop" action.

Cabin

We went to my parents' cabin for a day this weekend. We have a bad history with the cabin - wasp stings, flooded basements, broken water heaters. This time was a little better because we got to use the boat, but it started out with my nephew chucking a rock at the side of Eryn's head so hard you could no doubt hear the clunk from the cabin, leaving a ping pong ball sized bump on the side of her head.

Here she is with her concussion in the boat, slowly slumping into her life jacket. I'm pretty sure she thinks the padding in the life jacket will protect her from projectiles.


And here she is after the concussion is fully in effect and she has passed out while driving us around the lake. She hit a few waterskis, but they were drunk, so they couldn't complain.


And here she is with her concussion after we moved her to the boat seat, slowly sublimating. We put a towel over her after a few minutes so she wouldn't smell like a rare steak. We're good parents that way.


She's much better now, though the spooky man knock knock joke may be a direct consequence of brain damage.

Spooky Man

Eryn has created her own knock knock joke. It goes like this...

Eryn: "Knock knock"
Grandma "I'm Grandma and I refuse to answer to Ellen" Ellen: "Who's there?"
Eryn: "Spooky Man."
Grandma "I'm Grandma and I refuse to answer to Ellen" Ellen: "Spooky Man who?"
Eryn: Ahahahahahahaha....

Repeat several hundred times.

We don't get it, and it's not so funny after a dozen times, but after you've heard her tell it to everyone a few dozen times, it gets funnier. However, Grandma Ellen has refused to listen to the Spooky Man knock knock joke anymore and gave Eryn the task of learning two new knock knock jokes before she comes back from Tucson (making Eryn cry after Grandma left - she's such a sensitive little flower - maybe she's worried that if she never learns two knock knock jokes, Grandma Ellen won't ever come back to Minnesota). I don't think the Cargo joke...cargo-who...no car go beep beep - one doesn't count because she already knows that one, so I'm going to publish two more she can memorize before grandma comes back and makes her cry again.

1. Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? W....H...O....

2. Knock knock. Who's there? Your grandma. Your grandma who? You don't know who your own grandma is?

End o' the Week

I don't think it was exactly the good week. My name made it to the desk of the CTO of a multi-billion dollar company, twice. One of them was a nice write up about my relation to my department for the company newsletter. Unfortunately, it came only several hours after the escalation of an issue all the way to the same desk that wasn't quite so complimentary. Win some, lose some, eh?

So, clean up has been a long haul and eating up quite a bit of my time. Rather than bore you with gritty details, enjoy this beer commercial.

The Rhythm Method

I read a bit of this article by Luc Bovens in the most recent Harper's, and I thought it was worth sharing, particularly because my sister might find it enjoyable that I'm quoting from the Journal of Medical Ethics...

"It has not gone unnoticed by advocates of the pro-life movement that if one is concerned about abortion because of the moral turpitude of killing embryos (and fetuses) then one should also be concerned about various contraceptive techniques. Certainly, they say, one should be concerned about the morning after pill and intrauterine devices (IUDs), since these techniques block the implantation of a conceived ovum. This argument has been extended to the contraceptive pill as well. The contraceptive pill (i) changes the cervical mucus so that the passage of the sperm is blocked, (ii) inhibits ovulation, and (iii) affects the endometrium so that the uterus is not a hospitable environment for implantation. Of course this third route is only operational in preventing pregnancy if the first and second routes fail. It is not known in what percentage of cases the pill fails to block the sperm and fails to inhibit
ovulation and is effective only because it manages to block implantation. It is argued, however, that even if this is rarely the case, a great number of embryonic deaths are caused due to this aspect of pill usage. Randy Alcorn calculates that "even an infinitesimally low portion (say one hundredth of one per cent) of 780 million pill cycles per year globally could represent tens of thousands of unborn children lost to this form of chemical abortion annually".1

A concern for consistency has pushed advocates of the pro-life position into opposing all contraceptive techniques that cause embryonic deaths. Catholics might welcome this, since the official position of the church is that, aside from the rhythm method, no contraceptive techniques are permissible. This benefit is questionable. What has gone unnoticed is that, if one is willing to make a few relatively innocent assumptions, then the rhythm method may well be responsible for massive embryonic death and the same logic that turned pro-lifers away from morning after pills, IUDs and pill usage, should also make them nervous about the rhythm method."

Linkpourri

I think this will particularly appeal to Mean Mr. Mustard, it's Christian Pirate Puppets! (via Pharyngula). It might be of interest to note that Black Bart, the most famous pirate of all time was a teetotaller and a devout Christian, holding Sunday services aboard his pirate ship. I learned this on "Real Pirates" on televsion the other day, not by watching Pirates of the Carribbean.

Local restaurant where Scooter eats, Que Viet...really a front for ecstasy and illegal computer dealing - "Local detectives say a chain of popular restaurants is actually a shill business for a vast drug dealing and money laundering operation." That explains why the fried rice and egg rolls were so good (via Ming).

She Says breaks down law degrees as they apply to the House and Senate. She doesn't state how many of them once worked for my company or use our product. Remember, She Says, holding public office is a job...eh...eh?

Wonder why James Dobson is so James Dobson-esque?...(via AmericaBlog)
"One day he made the mistake of mouthing off when she was only four feet away and heard a 16-pound girdle whistling through the air. "The intended blow caught me across the chest, followed by a multitude of straps and buckles wrapping themselves around my midsection."

Mrs. Henderson Presents

I would like to point out to Ming that Mrs. Henderson Presents is a chick flick. It is a chick flick with an old lady. However, at no point does Judi Dench get naked. Only young, attractive women get naked. Now someday, I shall be married to an old woman, and she shall sometimes, or frequently, get naked. I expect this and I know I will still find her sexy. Yet, if I was not married to her, and she was in the talkies, I would not go out of my way to see her in a movie if she were in her 70s, 80s, or 90s. So, I do not go out of my way to see other old women naked in movies, regardless of who is doing the recommending. About Schmidt - good movie, but I'd like the expurgated version. Calendar Girls - no no no. Mrs. Henderson Presents? I watched it and enjoyed it - it feels very much like a good play - and can fully recommend it to Ming as fulfilling my no naked old ladies requirement.

However...this gets into very murky territory. Isn't Bob Hoskins naked in Mrs. Henderson Presents? And isn't that much worse than naked old women? What the hell is wrong with Scooter that Bob Hoskins naked is ok, but Kathy Bates naked gives him the willies? Maybe it's that I just can't picture myself ever getting jiggy with Bob Hoskins. Now, in my defense, I can't picture myself getting jiggy with Kathy Bates or swinging with the calendar girls either, but that's because I can actively choose not to think about it during my conscious periods. Yet, given my hetero preferences, the possibility of a bad dream about them coming on to me, or worse, is always a possibility. Sure, they have better options - Ming is younger, undoubtedly more virile, and obviously more willing - but it is obviously something I might have to worry about if Kathy Bates were a friend of mine or appeared in my dreams to discuss hot tub repair, and Ming might not be there to run interference.

Anyway...I recommend Mrs. Henderson Presents. Good flick.

Zombies!!!

As an aside to the post about the WebCT conference, I went to a presentation by Capella University, the online university that operates out of Minneapolis. They told me that they're "monitoring a user's average amount of tool activity per week". I didn't know they offered those sorts of courses.

Yesterday, after breakfast at Maria's, the Scooter family went to the Mall of America for a little post-Chicago time together at Camp Mall of America. Eryn was a particularly good little girl and helped a 2.5 year old on the airplanes who was a little scared of her first ride without mom. Went over big time with the little girl and her mother. Eryn also had a great time riding the little shaver roller coster, her arms high in the air. While this isn't a picture of a ride at the Mall, it does show that the amusement park rides continued well beyond the Mall. That Sit and Spin is getting a workout.



While at the Mall, we found Eryn a 2'x3' dinosaur floor puzzle (it's how they became extinct, everyone kept stepping on them), and I beame intrigued with a game called Zombies!!! that seemed like it might be fun. Once we got home, I read the rest of the rules and Eryn and I played a test game. Primarily, she was concerned about the zombies. Why were they green and gray? Why was there blood on their shirts? Why did they want to eat brains? Why did they come back after death? Yes, yes...they were hungry, but how - what were the logistics? Was that a zombie on the card she had? What about the guy who was having his head bitten by the zombie, was he a zombie too? He would be? Why?

Now you may question the sort of father who not only allows, but encourages, his three year old to play a game featuring canibalistic undead, but I do spend a lot of time sitting with her walking through everything and explaining why they're really not that scary, not real, how they're portrayed in popular culture, how she might run into them in a movie or television show later, etc. I feel this is a better approach than just letting her run into the Friday night midnight movie on her own. So far it seems to be working swimingly.

So...how was Zombies!!!? We played part of a test game, and then later Dan'l, Kyle and I played a full game, and even later Pooteewheet made me show her how to play. It was almost like having a gaming day, which I don't get to have too often lately as no one is in the same geographical location at the same time. The game is fun. Just two pages of rules and they basically come down to 1.) draw a map card (potentially with a building full of health and bullets) and put it somewhere with zombies on it, 2.) draw some cards with actions and them and play what you can/like (shotguns/etc), 3.) move, 4.) fight zombies (1-3 loses, 4-6 wins, each bullet can add one to the roll, a health bit allows a full reroll - you have limited health and bullets), 5.) move zombies (preferably in someone else's direction or on someone), 6.) repeat (unless you die, in which case you lose half your zombies and get your health and bullets back and start over in the middle).

The goal is to (re)kill 25 zombies or get to the helipad when the last map card is played. The cards are where the action really lies, and we spent a significant amount of time shafting each other: stopping movement, moving players onto zombies, zombies onto players, stealing bullets, destroying weapons, placing zombies in irritating locations (on the board!), etc. If Dan'l hadn't unnaturally rolled 4 or better around 80% of the time, we'd have made it all the way to the helipad instead of seeing a 25 zombie win. It's also a quick game, which is nice - I seldom get my friends in a gaming area for several hours straight where children aren't interrupting.

Here's a picture of some Zombies!!! action. I am sorry to point out that I just have the basic set and did not purchase the extra 100 glow in the dark zombies. While that might be fun, I'm not quite sure how you see your cards and pieces with the lights off...maybe candle light? There are some expansion sets, and I think at least one of them includes zombie dogs - that'll be nice, Sandy can play.

Chicago 2006 - WebCT Impact

I'm back from four days of educational conference in Chicago. Nice digs - the Sheraton by the lake. Nice conference - I've got 20 pages of notes with ideation all over them. Nice folks. Nice time. I think my primary takeaway, however, is that there is a very large career slice out there I am perfectly qualified for. Good to know.

I flew in on Tuesday morning. I flew in a little early as I wanted to take the train from O'Hare (wait...can't you expense things like a cab, or shuttle?) and get dropped off down town with enough time to hang out, find some lunch at some place within The Loop, and take a short walking tour. It was a good plan, until I stepped off at Clark-Lake and it was raining. Raining a lot. I'm not adverse to getting wet, but I'm certain my suitcase is not waterproof.

And if Clark-Lake sounds familiar, that's probably because you may have caught it on the news. About 3 hours after I stepped out of the station a train derailed and filled the area with smoke, giving 150 people smoke inhalation problems. Two of them were still in critical care four days later. I guess they found their way out of the station by the light of their cell phones. If I hadn't been interested in finding lunch, there's the chance I'd have been there with them. It wasn't the worst thing I heard about while I was in Chicago - I'd give that prize to the four 20-somethings that beat a teenage kid with his own prosthetic leg. He's scared to go outside now - go figure.

As it was, I was in the rain, cell phone stashed where it wouldn't get wet. Hiding out under the canopy to the stairs to the train, I consulted my map and then hopped from door to door in what I hoped with the correct direction. It was correct enough to get me to a Dunkin' Donuts within a block. I remember something Erik or Kyle said to me, "People in Chicago swear Dunkin' Donuts coffee is as good as Starbucks." Bullshit! I had a lot of Starbucks over those four days (the conference supplied it) and there is no comparison. However, it was drinkable, and I hung out for an hour and a half sipping an enormous cup and eating a steak sandwich until the rain quit.

When it did, I hightailed it to the hotel. Although the rain was gone, it was still very humid, and I finished my walk, hauling a huge suitcase behind me, looking like I'd been standing in the rain - except it was sweat, not rain. But, for $179 a night, you get a shower and lots of air conditioning - as it should be.

The trip back was also by the Blue Line and also threatened to rain, although it didn't start until I actually got to O'Hare. But it was in the 90s and humid, so I'm not so sure rain might not have been a bit soothing.

Enough of the travel arrangements...what did I do? Enumeration is in order...

1.) Drank beer - WebCT had beer at their opening reception (Goose Island Brown, not just Bud Light) and an open bar at the evening reception on Navy Pier. They (with the help of Microsoft) rented the end of the pier and provided lots of food, alcohol, and entertainment (jugglers, artists [see my picture on the previous post], fortune tellers, dancing). Yeah...dancing. The head guys at WebCT and Blackboard are pretty young and actually took up the task of encouraging dancing by participating and offering free iPods for dance contestants winners - the result being scores of dancers (there were 1300 people at the conference, so maybe that's not impressive, but it looked like a lot of people), many of them wearing balloon hats and limboing under guys with stilts. I did not dance - waiting for my picture to be drawn took a long time (I had to swap beer fetching duty with some kids from South Dakota).

2.) Drank some more beer - I found a four pack of Dogfish Head 90 Minute Imperial IPA. I once heard it was the best IPA anywhere. Probably the strongest as well at 9% ABV. I couldn't drink all of it before I checked out (literally, from the hotel, not as in "passed out"), which made me sad. It's Kyle's fault for cancelling going with me - he could have drank half the four pack and I'd have been less waste/ful/ed.


3.) Sushi. Kamehachi was two blocks from the hotel. The sushi and sashimi plate with sake sampler were excellent. Being their all by myself, not so excellent - once again, damn you Kyle. I also had the super white tuna, which made me feel a little guilty as I'd watched 30 minutes of a Secret History of KKK special that morning, but as far as I know, fish aren't racist. There was also a nice Indian restaurant, two other sushi bars, two liquor stores, a groccery store, tapas, Thai, and four other places all within two to three blocks.

For the lady at the table next to me, if you read my blog...it is rude to discuss the fact that you're having marriage issues because your food family food budget is $55 a day and you like to eat $30 seared tuna filets sometimes more than once a day. $1800 a month for two people? Your husband should have a problem with your behavior.

4.) Architecture tour via the river. I always wanted to go on an architecture tour of Chicago. I now know many many things about Chicago skyscrapers. For example, I like this building, because it's exactly as old as I am. I am also jealous of anyone who can afford two apartments in this building, as it's possible to remove the wall between them and occupy an entire node/petal, gaining a 270 degree view of the lake and Chicago. Sammy Sousa apparently did this. The park in the foreground is the future site of a park/memorial, but is currently plagued by radioactive dirt (thorium). I didn't go there, but there was a nice couple who had jumped the fence sitting nearby dangling their feet over the wall. Young, soon-to-be-mutants, love. I assume they hadn't been on the tour.


This picture taken through a fountain, is of a typical Chicago skyscraper, invented by Chicagoans in their second skyscaper period. You can recognize them by their seriously boxy shape with little ornamentation, like the IBM building.


I noticed this in a window as we boated by. I'm not sure who she is, but she looks familiar. I thought she might be a suffragette - but maybe she's that Mrs. O'Leary character. If you know, leave a comment.




This is just an excellent name for a boat.


5.) Superman - bleah. Any bad guy who has to rely on crystals as his modus operandi is immediately emasculated. I liked the (spoilers!) Aquamen on the pjs of Superman's kid. I liked the casually dropped reference to how to portray Superman in the lifestyles section of the paper (a nod to gay people who like Superman). The rest...not so much. And did they really do their science? Wouldn't indestructible sperm be a serious problem? Can Superman control the ejaculation speed - after all, it's an involuntary function (the actual ejaculating, not the process of getting there). Less disgusting - how do crystals create an island without pulling the energy from somewhere. An EMP-like pulse - no way, even it is sucking in all that energy. I'm pretty sure that to create a mountain from scratch (energy), you'd need to cool the rest of the planet to just about freezing, or worse.

6.) Pirates of the Carribbean, Dead Man's Chest. Much better! Just a lot of fun - put me in mind of seeing Indiana Jones movies as a kid.

Speaking of Pirates, there was a Pampered Chef convention at the hotel at the same time as my convention. Those women are trouble. They read my badge out loud to me a few times on the elevator (I couldn't figure out if this was flirting), ate popcorn in the movie theater without using their hands and snickered about it, and made dirty noises when Orlando Bloom lost his shirt.

A note to Kevin, who wondered who would attend Little Man: apparently anyone given a free ticket by the local radio station - I counted about 30 people.

7.) "There are many ways to slice that pig" is not an appropriate presentation metaphor in a room where 5-10% or more of the individuals in attendence may be Muslim or vegetarians of some sort. Particularly not if you follow it up with a demonstration slide of said pig.

8.) Mary Levan called my room and left me "love, hugs and joy" and asked me to meet her at Millenium Park for the concert - she had a front row seat for me. She heard from my "mommy" and she "loves me" - that's nice. I wish I knew her.

9.) There is a formula for sleep. It is Enya + Robert Frost + Introspective Portfolio Blog-like content mixed in, all presented via Powerpoint. Good presentation overall, but damn...

10.) WS-XXX does not look like an abbreviation for "various webservices", it looks like an abbreviation for the web service standard for porn delivery.

11.) If you're at a convention you should not treat the public toilets like you would one at home. If the match you lit doesn't cover the smell, you shouldn't have been making the smell in a public place. Also, when you whip it out at the urinal, do it facing the urinal, not at a 90 degree angle, and then turn to the urinal. I'd consider it showing off, but mine's bigger.

12.) Women from Texas are very friendly, I met several who just came up to talk, and they didn't even know each other, so it wasn't like a group of them taking pity on the solitary Minnesotan sitting by himself. I also learned that Odessa sucks.

13.) I read two books while I was at WebCT. Both mentioned "technology so advanced it's like magic". So I went to Superman and they used the same damn line. That phrase has officially jumped the shark. And crystals are not technology like magic. They're just dumb.

I'm Back

Mr. Mustard Is a Screenwriter?

I don't know how else to explain that Sarah Michelle Geller has a part in an upcoming movie (1 2 Southland Tales) as a futuristic prostitute. I think it might be the role Mean Mr. Mustard would have written for her if he'd stayed in California. Of course, I'm going to be anxious to hear how he explains to his wife that he didn't know she was a prostitute in the movie. After all those Jessica Alba movies he's taken her to, he's running out of excuses (yah yah...she took you).

This Post Brought to You By the Letter "A"

On the way to work this morning, at the park on the corner of Cliff where I turn, there was a giant (about 8' feet tall), red, metal letter "A" on a small trailer. I felt like I was literally in a Sesame Street episode where you just see letters sitting around, or actually hiding behind things as though they're ready to pounce.

Then again, maybe it was a sign from A'tuin the great turtle stating, "You're an idiot, asshole." As he knew full well I was going to leave my headlights on in the parking lot at work, forcing my wife to come get me and take me home without a jump so I could wait for the renter with the late rent who never showed up. Later she took me back past the library I was supposed to go to on the way home and the bank I was supposed to go to on the way home before finally hitting work again for a long overdue jump...electrical, with jumper cables, ya pervs...the company lot has high res zoomable lot cams. You only mess around in the lot if you want your wife/girlfriend (or both!) to end up on Company Girls Gone Wild.

Four Things

Three things I didn't like:

1.) Mallard Fillmore - I'd never read a strip before, and I didn't understand the reference in Jon Stewart's America. Now I understand the reference, and fail to understand why anyone would parody i t- it's stupid, it's not worth the time to parody. I paraphrase: "Look at the feminists, they're so ugly they don't look like women." Look at the cartoonist, he's so un-witty he's not even worth calling an f-tard.

2.) The Bodyworlds exhibit at the Science Museum. I was bored. Really really bored. And I didn't like the movie, it was boring. Pooteewheet disagrees with me, so to spite her, I won't even link to her blog for once. I think seeing them via Boing Boing way back when was enough for me. I did find the diseased organs interesting, but only in order to verify what my liver will look like in a dozen years.

3.) The local park disappearing. I wasn't there when Pooteewheet took Eryn to the park only to discover a large pile of dirt. It was pretty much the equivalent of ripping your kid's playset out of the back yard and leaving him/her a pile of dirt. It did not go over well at all. Eryn cried and cried. After her nap, she rubbed one eye and announced, "I'm just getting rid of a tear from when I cried about the orange park." Pooteewheet has promised to call the city for her to see if a replacement is going in.

One thing I liked:
1.) Adam Carolla dissing Ann Coulter (MP3 available at Crooks and Liars if you feel like listening).

Packs-A-Punch Porter

Yesterday morning I brewed a batch of beer for the first time in quite a while. It was a kit (I'm not a full mash guy) from Midwest Homebrewing Supplies - Packs-a-Punch Porter. It included not only six pounds of light extract, but also 3.3 pounds of porter extract. I hadn't used porter extract before - the stuff looked more or less like a cannister full of tar. I was afraid to get it near my white counters.

Here you can see it bubbling on the stove. It would be more amusing to see it bubbling out of the pot and all over my stove and the horrified expression on my face when it did (it's been a while since I had a boilover) - but at that point I was scrambling to get it off the burner before carmelized sugar leaked into places I couldn't reach it.

So...details - Saturday, July 8:
6# Light LME
3.3# Porter extract
8 oz. caramel 120 grain
4 oz. chocolate malt
4 oz. black malt
2 oz. Tettnang hops (bittering)
1 oz. Willamette hops (aroma)
Wyeast Londa Ale (#1028)

It wasn't percolating yet today, but it's fairly chilly downstairs, so it might take a while. The beer of choice for drinking while brewing (always a necessity - you must drink from a previous batch while creating a new one) was a Java Stout from December 2004. It was perfect...even chilled it had a great carbonation level, and the taste was exceptional - I always add a stronger batch of coffee to my coffee beers, and it gives it more body. It's particularly good that it turned out so well, because the IPA I brewed last time tastes a little off, like there was too much heat in the room while it was in the carboy - that'll always trigger a funny taste. I got the same taste with my Anchor-style ale the one time, which is an ale done with a lager yeast, which expects a lower temp (but is done at a higher temp, ale style) - carmel-ly and slick, to the point of overriding the hops - for a hophead, that's never a good thing.

This Post Brought to You by the Letter E

Eryn farted this afternoon and announced, "A". This was followed by farts, "B", "C" and "D". Then there was a long wait before she announced. "E isn't ready yet. I have to wait for it come up. I can't fart yet."

She has an excellent career as a professional ahead of her.

A Few Important Facts About Me That You Probably Didn't Know...

I sometimes turn the mirror in my car so that it shows just half of my face. I do this not so I can appreciate me, but so that it looks like I'm in a Hitchcock movie, like North by Northwest. It makes the ride home more suspenseful.

There are two albums to which I have danced to all the songs in succession: Air Supply's Greatest Hits and Lionel Richie's Can't Slow Down.

I once squeezed a girl's elbow at a party only to find out later that it was actually her breast. She thought this meant we were dating.

In my younger years I was caught streaking/skinny dipping by adults three times: once on a bike trip, once at Huck Finn day camp at Many Point Scout Camp, once changing into Native American regalia for a Scouting ceremony.

I hope this provides some insight into me.

You've Been Baptized

So, I've been ordained for a while now. I still need to file my paperwork with the county (I know, I'm lazy), but I've been pondering whether I should worry about performing rites of other sorts. I've come to a conclusion. As my first act, I've decided that baptism, by me, is not voluntary on the part of those baptized, but rather a consequence of being in any sort of liquid with me or sharing any sort of liquid with me. Like what, you might ask? I offer some examples:

1.) If you have been on a slip and slide or at a Wisconsin waterpark at the same time as me, you are baptized. Conner, this means you. Cookie Queen - some of the water splashed from the slip and slide hose feed onto you when I stepped on it - you too are baptized.

2.) If you share beer with me, particularly a pitcher. Dan'l, Kyle, Adam - this obviously includes you. Erik, it probably means at some point, if you don't fall under a point below, you too will be baptized.

3.) If you partake of any food stuffs I make that include any liquid, you are baptized. This will probably include everyone at Tall Brad's Chilifest, particularly if you vote me (and Pooteewheet) into third place for like the fourth year in a row.

4.) If you were in Schultz (e?) Lake on any one of the several days I was there and immersed, including the one where I locked myself out of my car. Yes...you were baptized by an idiot that day. Welcome to the faith.

5.) Chris Sells, Microsoft guy. I had a drink of your berry soda to see what it tasted like. You are baptized. Your mother and stepfather both gave me a beer - they are also baptized.

6.) Anyone who drinks coffee from the coffee dispenser in the c-building at work at any time. How can this be if I'm not there? I am at that coffee dispenser so often that the times between cups don't suffice to interrupt my holy, exalted presence - if you are at that particular coffee machine, you are basking in my coffeeness and you are baptized. Erik, please note that this supersedes item #2.

7.) If I've ever spit on you, you are retroactively baptized as that's a whole lot of holiness. I think that Chris (#5) is the only one that applies to, but he triple dog dared me while I had a mouth full of water and was a stupid eighteen year old, so it's his own fault.

8.) If my tongue has ever touched your body - this obviously involves liquid and you are baptized. Some of you more so than others. This is spit, so like #7, we'll retroactively apply it.

9.) Note that licking your arm is my tongue touching your body, so Christy, you're baptized.

10.) If you use my parents' cabin, I've been in the water in the foundation so much that it permeates the whole structure. You too are baptized.

11.) I think my dentist and oral hygienist are unbaptized - they wear latex gloves. This is very unrighteous of them, but it would be gross otherwise, so good choice.

12.) Farting may be part solid, part gas, part liquid. The church is undecided about whether I can qualify this as baptism.

13.) If I've ever worked with a plumbing system that involves you. This includes all of our renters.

14.) If you've looked at any picture I've posted to my blog involving water, you're on dangerous ground. You'll have to decide for yourself whether it counts, but if you had to think about it, it's likely you're baptized.

I'm sure I'll think of some other appropriate situations, but for now 80% or so of you who have come in contact with me in the last year can consider yourselves baptized members. I like to think of myself as the Typhoid Mary of Faith. You don't have to agree with any of the planks of the faith, we're fully inclusive of schismatics, heretics and nonbelievers. Even if you don't believe in us, we believe in you. Peace.

Posting from Opera 9

This is my first post from Opera 9. Neither Yahoo nor Blogger are particularly fond of it when it comes to inline editing - the WYSIWYG editor refuses to do anything other than allow me to type in my HTML manually and the upload file for Yahoo mail doesn't do anything at all. It just sits there staring at me like I've lost my mind. So, other than total non-support, I like Opera 9 plenty. It has tabbing, and tabbing with tab preview to boot - you can float over the tabs to get an idea of what's on the tab before you commit. It has an aggregator for RSS feeds (as well as discovery), and another area where you can handle your bittorrents without using a separate program. Putting a bittorrent address into the address bar will actually push the bittorrent there automatically.

It's got a "I don't want my wife to know I've been surfing for porn" button that allows automatic cleanup of all downloaded materials and history. And if you're using a public computer and hoping around a bit, it'll clean up all of that and any saved passwords so it doesn't appear as though you ever sat down (useful if you don't want to leave a password behind for someone else to read). It has a widgets feature that drops floating applets into your space so you can search for bittorrents or play a game of Tetris on top of the screen while you wait for a download (I like the tetris game that's played like you're in a three dimensional circular area - Torus).

Nice javascript/css error console, ability to tailor access from different sites easily (cookies, images, etc). Right click to check spelling, add a message about the site (if you use the Opera communities), or create a search. Trash can to recover your removed tabs if it was an accident. Fast Forward and Fast Backward (like forward/backward, but all the way to the end of the history).

Definitely worth checking out if you're interested in something different.

Fourth of July

of course, all liberals are un-patriotic a-holes. But that aside, this is my favorite video from the Fourth.

Mean Mr. Mustard...This is For You

I hope you think it's funny...because the one I tried first with me singing in the background...that's been destroyed. Don't even try to get my wife to look for it in the recycle bin, it's been eliminated in ways she can't comprehend. I do release this under a Creative Commons license, so Emma can use it for any presentations she may have lined up.

Seeing as it's the fourth, and that's personified by Uncle Sam, I guess these must be his...

Watermelon Ride 2006 (Among Other Things)

Our long weekend was pretty relaxed, particularly as most of my clan took a two hour nap whenever possible. Eryn because she needs a two hour nap each day. Me from caffeine withdrawal. Pooteewheet...well, she often takes a nap on the weekend. Can't say as I complain too much - those are usually my only two weekly hours to myself unless I'm on my bike.

But, we did accomplish a few things. Pooteewheet saw Superman and liked it, agreeing with Rotten Tomatoes that it was about a 70-75%. I, on the other hand, took Eryn to Cars. She'd already been to it with Pooteewheet while I was in Fort Lauderdale, but was excited to go again. Pooteewheet told me, surreptitiously, "Maybe you should take her to C-A-R-S today." I shook my head, knowing I was going, because the next words out of Eryn's mouth (Pooteewheet didn't know she knew how to do this, I did) were "Cars! I want to go to Cars!" Yeah...she can spell. Pain in the butt. We'll be moving to pig latin next. The movie was great. Eryn liked the story, and I was fascinated by the technical aspects (and the story). Every time something is happening on screen, a million things are happening in the background - it's an appropriate use of the technology, unlike those damn Star Wars scenes with the kitchen sink and the Millenium Falcon.

My friend Chris Sells was in town and his mother threw a party for him up in Plymouth. I've met Chris' wife (and her twin sister), but I've never met his boys, and they're now both in their double digits, so it was a treat to meet them, even though they were huddled on the couches upstairs traumatized over a showing of Sean of the Dead. Kyle overcame his heat exhaustion and showed up so we had enough players for both bocce and 500 (cards), the later going on until after 1:00 a.m., albeit with a break for some Minnesota-style fireworks (you know, no air bursts and a million mosquitoes). I went to school with Chris, and if you're not familiar with his name, you don't do much with .NET - he wrote the definitive book on Windows Forms (his mother proudly showed it off), and his name appeared as a footnote in my MCTS study guide at the coffee shop only hours earlier.

Today was the, um....it was the sixth year I've done registration for the TCBC Watermelon Ride (Eryn called it the cookie ride - you can see where her priorities lie), so it's probably the eighth year I've done the ride. That would make sense - since we first moved to Richfield, and then subsequently to Eagan. Dang... Unfortunately, this was the first year we did t-shirts and I dropped the ball, forgetting to include them on the sign-in sheets. Luckily, Pooteewheet doesn't like to show up at 6:30 a.m., so I could call her at home, have her kick up Access and the appropriate table and read me the values over the phone - it's kickin' to have a pc-literate wife. We - my father-in-law, Pooteewheet and Eryn (in the Burley) - did the 15 miler again this year and it was perfect weather. Seventy degrees, light wind, dry on the trails. Couldn't have asked for better weather.

According to the ride coordinator there were approximately 775 people at the ride. That's huge! I think that puts the ride in contention for the top 4 or 5 in the state (after the Ironman and Bike Classic, and I exclude AIDS rides and coordinated fund raising events - they're just plain different). Here's everyone waiting for their hotdog, smokey beans and post-ride cookie.


This is Eryn at the first rest stop, enjoying a bit of lemonade and all the M&M's out of my cup of gorp.


Eryn didn't ride alone. Grandpa and Grandma bought her a new Gumby and Pokey (although Grandma/Manna thinks Pokey is a donkey - wtf), and Gumby claimed shotgun.


Here's Eryn and Grandma enjoying the actual watermelon part of the Watermelon Ride - the lunch. This was before she had quite so much ketchup on her face (Eryn, not Grandma).


Eryn thinks the Burley ride is fun, but I think she truly prefers the big park at the end.


And this...I just thought it was a cool bike trailer. It allows you to clip in a car seat for a kid, or remove it so you can just haul things with you. I'm a little skeptical about the lack of a roll bar, although that's easily remedied. And I'm more skeptical about how much that bad boy weighs - but it's got serious panache.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

My friend Ming was once looking for a (Darwin Fish - oops) Fish-n-
Chips logo for his car. The other day Pooteewheet and I saw one of these Flying Spaghetti Monsters on an SUV in Eagan. Might I suggest it as a semi-cutting edge alternative? Only $6.00 and you can buy it local at Northern Sun (I couldn't find it on the Walmart online site). Show your support for Pastifarianism.

Tohono O'odham

I left a comment on She Says' blog the other day about the Tohono - just a story my mother had told me about diabetes and the native diet. I just realized that almost on the same day I left the comment, I was actually reading a book based on Tohono O'odham culture. When I was in Arizona, I bought Eryn a signed ("Ole!") copy of "The Three Little Javelinas" (Los Tres Pequenos Jabalies) by Susan Lowell (illustrated by Jim Harris) - pages in both Spanish and English. The last page states:

Besides the calssic European-American tale, my sources include the many Coyote fables told by southwestern Indians, particularly those of the Tohono O'odham, (toe-HO-no O-OH-tam) or Desert People (formerly known as the Papago tribe), of southern Arizona and northern Mexico [my note: just like you said, She Says, they bracket the border]. In these stories, Coyote is always a laugher and a trickster who is freuqently outsmarted by other animals.

The setting for this story is in the vicinity of the Tohono O'odham Reservation, near Tucson, Arizona, in early summer....

Even without the lessons about native culture, it's a great book, and Eryn often has me read bits of it in mutilated Spanish, particularly when Coytoe gets singed in the fireplace and in English screams "Yip, yap, yeep, YEE-OWW-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", but in Spanish screams, "Aa, aay, aaay, Aaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Before the three little pigs I didn't even know a translation was necessary in that case.

Freedom Celebration

I'm not talking about the 4th. The local Cedar Valley Church invited me, as their neighbor, to their "Freedom Celebration." The highlight? Guest Speaker HUGH HEWITT (not my caps) with a full orchestra and choir (though not in Eagan - read the fine print). Not only will Hugh Hewitt be speaking, but the event, the church event, is sponsored by AM 1280 "The Patriot". Church event...corporate sponsorship. It's a freakin' Simpson's episode, literally (2001, Mr. Burns sponsors the First Church of Springfield, Lisa becomes a Bhuddist).

Is Your Vote a Blue Light Special?

I guess it's really not all that surprising - maybe it's a good thing Ming can't vote yet...from Three Way News:

Make of it what you will.

85 percent of frequent Wal-Mart shoppers voted for President Bush's reelection in 2004 (and 88 percent of people who never shop there voted for Sen. John Kerry)

Slip and Slide

Addendum: I notice the video is not viewable yet. I'm still new to this YouTube thing, and it looks as though I shouldn't actually post a link to a video until it's available, as processing time from upload to presentation can take quite a while (18 hours or so in this case). If you can't see it right now, try it again in a little while - it'll work. I'll change my linking in the future so I don't post until it's definitively out there.

Today we put up the slip and slide for the second time. We haven't been able to get Eryn to really use it except as a glorified sprinkler, so we invited Conner over to see if he could show her the ropes. For the first hour or so, he wasn't having it either, but he finally figured out that the plastic slide was there for getting a run at the thing, and you'd just slide that much further.

So, I present Conner slipping and slidding in the Scooter Family back yard (note, Cookie Queen, I didn't put up the video with you being sort of a potty mouth in the background).