Monday, June 02, 2008

100 Monkey Meme (Apes Can Apply) - the 20% version

I TAG NO ONE (unless you've been perpetually tagged already, in which case you have to beg off, and my sister, who studied apes, and wanted to be an ape mother for many years, so she should be able to answer all of these). Who the hell can fill out an ape/monkey meme? Me. But really...anyone else? If you're tagged, but I think it's a small subset of society.

Name a Monkey
Macaque, crab eating. Or...if I'm requesting a proper name, and I often don't know my own mind...Lancelot Link.

What's a Humanzee?
Part human, part chimpanzee...all brutal socialist warrior.

Sock monkey - love 'em, or hate 'em?
Hate 'em. They're creepy. Because they have luscious full lips. Like you should kiss them. Repeatedly.

Anatomically correct sock monkey (perhaps NSFW) - love 'em, or hate 'em? Literally?
No. Ew. Disgusting. They're boys. Girl sock monkeys...remains to be assessed.

Favorite monkey movie?
Return to the Planet of the Apes. Those damn dirty apes. They did it. They finally did it. No...wait. That was us. We did. it. But it all turned out for the best - we gained fleshy headed mutant abilities and I've been looking forward to that since I was six.

Lancelot Link. Have you ever even heard of it?
Hell yes. I watched the original AND a documentary where they talked to the creators. INSPIRED. And now, Netflixable - which is why Netflix is one of my few brand affinity products.

Evolution or Creationism?
Evolution. Never understood why creationists can't believe God is smarter than they are. It's not demeaning - it's freaking inspired and beautiful. The Bible's a metaphor: pedagogical, allegorical, anagogical - or, if you prefer, metaphorical, moral, and anagogical with just a bit of the literal tossed in. P.Z. Myers is cool beans.

Monkey testing?
Assholes. The people, not the apes and monkeys.

Monkeys in space?
Honestly...monkey testing is for assholes. But if monkeys and apes are half as smart as they seem to be, that monkey has to be tripping the rift. S/he's got some idea what's going on, and I'm pretty sure it's along the lines of, "This is the highest, fucking damn tree ANYONE has every climbed. No one is going to shoot me with a dart arrow frog poison dart up here. And I am SO getting me the juiciest choicest mango in existence!"

Helper monkeys?
Oh fuck no. Little bastards could, would, and should kill me in my sleep for subjugating their peeps. I in no way want any pet that's smarter than my dog, and she's pretty damn passive-aggressive obstinate sometimes.

100 Monkey Theory? Believe it?
I only have half a dozen friends and a dozen family members. I can't prove it yet. But I will.

12 Monkeys?
Oooo....dystopic Bruce Willis directed by Terry Gilliam. Fine! Almost as good as Brazil, which has no monkeys whatsoever. I might have to revise my favorite monkey movie - this one rocks.

James Cole: Look at them. They're just asking for it. Maybe the human race deserves to be wiped out.
Jeffrey Goines: Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great. But more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals.

Gorillas in the Mist or Every Which Way But Loose?
Why is this question even in my head? Is there a right answer? That orangutan should have ripped Clint Eastwood limb from limb, despite the free beer. But Gorillas in the Mist is boring. So neither. I choose King Kong. And not that gay 1976 movie with Jeff Bridges where we're too dumb to realize Kong thinks the Twin Towers look like part of his island so we have to have it overlayed. And I feel bad when I see the towers. The 1933 Ray Harryhausen stop motion version. I'd give a nod to Peter Jackson's remake, but Kong playing butt skater is boring.

Funiest Ape/Monkey related moment?
Alan Alda being stalked by a horny ape because he's the exotic stranger on Scientific American Frontiers.

Posts in which I mention apes?

Posts in which I mention monkey?

Monkeys or apes?
Apes. Smarter...and it pisses LissyJo off when you call apes monkeys and I like my sister.

War Games?
I have a visceral gagging reflex just thinking about it. It could have only been worse if Sarah Jessica Parker had costarred instead of Helen Hunt.

Name another ape
Grape Ape - it's gorill-ill-ill-ill-la!

Most peculiar monkey/ape page you can find?
Famous apes in history

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