Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Clint Howard

Kyle and I have caught two Clint Howard movies at The Trylon, courtesy of Trash Film Debauchery.  The first was Ice Cream Man (1995).  And tonight we saw Evilspeak (1981).

Ice Cream Man was definitely more amusing with its plot about a killer ice cream man who blends people into his butter brickle ice cream after escaping the lunatic asylum (the lunatics are literally running the asylum).  Evilspeak was like a really bad adaptation of Carrie (1976), except Carrie is a goofy looking Clint Howard.  The high school is a military school.  Clint gains his powers from Satan and a Satanic priest, Esteban, not from natural abilities.  And the incident that sets him off is his dog being sacrificed and getting puppy blood all over his hands, not getting pig blood dumped on his head.  Although there were plenty of pigs in the movie eating everyone.  Evil pigs.  There was more eviloink then there was evilspeak.

It was pretty brutal as far as Debauchery movies go.  I could have sworn it was about 3 hours long, the killing scene went on so long.  And it's much more difficult to feel sympathy for Clint Howard than it is for Sissy Spacek.

I'm not even sure what the point of the computer was, despite that it played a large part.  Supposedly to translate the Latin from the evil book.  But as the computer answered questions without any real context, I"m not sure the book was necessary.  Clint flew around like this after he got his powers, splitting the heads of everyone for an interminable amount of time.  But the flying with the sword was actually a welcome relief from a.) the short scene where the commandant spanks Clint for not performing and the secretary gives a smug smile from her desk, and b.) the longer scene where women are vying to be Miss Heavy Artillery while the cadets hoot and the soccer coach talks about how hot they are at sixteen and seventeen.  That's right.  The puppy sacrifice and Jake the academy chef who cooks shirtless weren't the most disturbing bits.

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