Bike Meme

First off, unrelated. Kyle, I had your birthday present sent to my house, so you didn't accidentally return it. I don't think it'll be here by our ride on Sunday, but maybe by next week.

So, Eclectchick didn't tag me, but I like her bicycle meme, so I'm going to steal it. Sort of like sticking a Bic pen in her Kryptonite Evolution.

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?
This is incredibly difficult, because I've never found the perfect bike. I have several bikes at the moment. My mountain bike - a Trek with semi nobbies - which I just rode on the C&O. My hybrid, that I rode on RAGBRAI. My Bianchi Brava with a bent frame that's now permanently strapped to my Cyclosimulator. My Brike that I bought for $50 and only Dan'l has ever ridden. And my Specialized Allez A1 which I seldom ride, but have ridden enough to chew through a set of tires, which is more than most people can say. I love my Allez, and I think if it weren't for me riding it, it would be worth more than when I bought it, given the snazzy components that changed to a lower grade the next summer. I only wish I could ride it more, because the Minnesota roads and my weight are hell on the poor thing. That said, I do have bike lust and often drool over what other cyclists are riding around the lakes. But if I had to pick, I think I'd say I really want a bamboo road bike with rosewood water bottle cages. I have no doubt it would be exceedingly comfortable, and I'd never lack for a conversation starter on a ride.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?
I do not have a bamboo bike. Calfees are almost $2000 just for the frame and that's always seemed outside my bike range. After all, I generally enforce a $10,000 limit on our cars. Maybe I should be saving my gift certificates from work, friends and family until I'm close.

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why? This is an evil question, because part of my midlife crisis was to start doing some longer rides every year. I know it's weak as a midlife crisis, but I'm just not cut out for the whole sports car and mistress thing. RAGBRAI and the C&O are my substitutes. So until I get some bigger rides under my belt, it's hard to say. But if I was forced to choose right now, my favorite ride is up to Minnehaha, around the lakes, across the Greenway, down the river, and back to Eagan. If it was every day for the rest of my life, I'd probably argue that once I dumped out of the Greenway onto the river, I should get to cross into St. Paul and come up the far side of the river. I do that ride a lot. Of course, I could also claim I'd do the St. Paul Bike Classic every day for the rest of my life, at least if it involved forcing my friends to ride the same ride and share breakfast every day. They really make that ride a highlight of my year.

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride for the rest of her / his life? That's a good question. Bicycling is about freedom to go wherever you want. I suspect it's a crit rider. I never understood why anyone would want to do a damn loop more than once.

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrowminded? I ride both. I prefer the mountain bike, because Minnesota roads don't immediately force me into truing the tires. But if the roads were as smooth as my bottom, I'd pick the road bike every time. Just sitting on that thing makes me smile.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent? No. Thought about it, and then decided it wasn't really bicycling. I would ride a recumbent if my bike fell apart at the welds and I had to tie it together with bungie cords in a recumbent configuration in order to get to the next town 60 miles down the trail.

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss? No. But, I was training for a triathlon (really, there's only one 'a'?) when I noticed I had foot pain and the doc told me I'd lost all the cartilage in my big toe and shouldn't run, ever. This was proof that bicycling was good. Running was bad. Swimming, was purgatory.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why? Ice cream. In a second. Wow is that a non question.

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it. At what point do bike shorts become too worn, and have you ever worn a pair past this "due date"? I have been behind too many people who wear their bike shorts well past the expiration date, when there's this sort of diaphanous window into their crackosity. It always detracts from my riding experience, because it's unignorable, much like the woman on the Bike Classic with a thong. Stupidest thing you ever did on a ride is a close second question. Mine was riding the C&O with only a Cliff Bar when the first town was 60 miles away, followed closely by taking the wrong tube to the C&O so I couldn't ride the second day. Grrrrr.....

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do? Bear schmear. Bears don't eat bicycles. I'd just keep riding as long as it didn't take me closer to the bear. I do know that, according to the guy who invented the bear wrestling suit, that two knives are necessary in any bear situation, and I generally only carry a single razor knife, but I'm wicked with an allen wrench and CO2 pump if it all goes hairy.

I tag 1.) Kyle and Ming, in the comments, 2.) Pete Ryan, and 3.) any friend who bikes.