Sort of a Resume

I was tagged by She Says to do another meme. She's meme-obsessed lately. I think she's just happy about this one because she now has a job to meme about.

1. What was your first job ever (not including babysitting, mowing the lawn, paper routes and the like – I mean a job = where they took taxes out of your paycheck kinda thing)?
That's a tough one, because my first job was a paper route, and it sucked, because you had to carry that big, fifty-plus pound sack of papers around, and I was just a kid. Bailing hay probably doesn't count, because it was for my Dad. But he shafted me on the money, sort of like paying taxes. Farming probably doesn't count, because it was room and board at Grandpa and Grandma's, although it involved running the tractor and combine and picking freaking rock. Doesn't matter what you get paid for picking rock - it's not enough. I probably have to say that working for Third District Nurses was my first real job as it involved typing, labeling, cleaning, laying tile - anything that was worth a little more than minimum wage. But Kyle often accompanied me for the cleaning and boxing and labeling parts, so at least it wasn't lonely.

2. How old were you?
Probably 15. I know I was helping them move offices, clean bathrooms and do other work before I could drive.

3. What is the worst job you’ve ever had? Why do you consider it the worst?
Picking rock was the hardest job I ever hard. Labeling would be up there if it weren't for the fact that Kyle was around or you could do it in front of the television. You get used to cleaning toilets. I'll have to agree with Chris Sells that when he and I hand-picked weeds out of a lake to improve some guy's lakeshore, dumping the weeds into a rubber raft and then dumping the rubber raft whenever it was full - that blew. It was almost Dirty Jobs worthy.

4. What is the best job you’ve ever had? Why do you consider it the best?
Always the most recent one. I tend to really like what I'm doing, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. Today I had my first real assignment. It took me hours. It made me happy.

5. What’s the oddest job you’ve held?
Manual aquatic weed picker.

6. What is your “dream job”? And it has to be an actual job that exists somewhere…
There was a job in Arizona once that involved just biking around on trails and making sure they were up to speed. That sounds sweet. I'd enjoy being a bicycling tour guide if it could be a family endeavor. But let's be serious, I might be too lazy to persist in that. So, I'm going to go with Scotch taster at a Scottish brewery. It's probably not as exciting as it sounds, but one can hope. Wait! Bike tour guide of Scottish distilleries. That MUST exist, and that sounds perfect.

7. How long is the longest you’ve worked for one organization?
Ten years, plus some time, if you consider the fact that I moved from janitorial to other duties.

8. What is the shortest period you’ve held a job?
The weed picking thing didn't last very long at all, about a week or two.

9. Have you worked in food service, retail sales, telemarketing or any other job that required that either be nice to people and/or stand on your feet most of the time or both (for notsomuch money)?
No. I've spent my life trying not to be behind a counter or handling other people's food. I did have to make sandwiches for the nurses' board meetings, but that wasn't so bad, and I ate the leftovers.

10. How many states have you worked in? Have you worked in any other country?
Minnesota. Montana if you consider farming for room and board. No other countries.

11. Have you ever dated or otherwise “gotten involved” (defined as loosely as you are… I mean, as you’d like) with a co-worker?
No way. I once gave a nurse who was leaving the state a dozen roses, but she was leaving the state and was quite a bit older than jailbait me, so I'm free of any incrimination.

12. Ever worked as a camp counselor in the summer?
Oh yeah. Boy Scouts of America camp counselor for Cub Scouts and Webelos. Gun range. Archery range. Crafts (nature mobiles). Nature. Knots. Pioneering and lashing. One week there were only two or three of us there after the rest of them caught plant-induced pneumonia from trying to smoke WWII era hemp (for rope) from the Scout grounds. Another day I got to wake up, hop out of my hammock bed, and land in a huge puddle of beer (hop in the hops) and passed out camp counselors as the parents pulled up with the kids. I was the face of Scouting that day - very professional.

13. Any embarrassing on-the-job anecdotes? Do share!
Yes. I once sent a friend of mine a notice from a SQL Server email program that told him, "I know what you did in the bathroom", a joke based on the fact that we had both worked at a place where someone had literally exploded in the bathroom. Unfortunately, SQL Server wasn't too discriminating, and sent the email not only to "Adam" but to some other worker I didn't know with the word "Adam" in her name. She went ballistic, and I was called in to talk to management, which is fairly frightening when you're a contractor. My management guy told me a story about how he'd once been caught naked (just a tiny towel) in the corporate rental house by a VP and his wife while said management guy was washing all his clothes at once. The VP ordered him to just sit still, as the VP and his wife could move the table they'd come to pick up all by themselves. I guess they didn't want any sudden towel movements. He pointed out that everyone got one mistake. He'd had his. I now had mine.

14. If you won the lottery for uber big bucks, would you continue working?
Yes...but only because I'd have a new job doing bike tours and scotch tastings, while running the Scooter Charitable Foundation on the side.

15. If no, what would you do?
See #14. I'd ride my bike drunk until my own charitable foundation had to take care of me.

16. Ever have a job that required you to wear a uniform?
Boy Scout camp counselor. You have to wear the badges! And a neckerchief. I had a lot of neckerchiefs. Accessorizing is important.

17. Ever worked for a boss who was younger than you?
I don't believe so. Although sometime soon, I believe it's inevitable.

18. What’s the longest commute you’ve had? The shortest?
45 minutes, and it was a commute. I rode from Monticello to Minneapolis with my mother every day. Shortest is probably a tie for about 5-6 miles, or 15 minutes, once with the nurses, and at my current job. We've (Pooteewheet and I) traditionally moved to be close to where I work because I don't like to waste time driving to work and I was the bread winner for a long time. Fortunately, she got to pick the office for her self-employment and doesn't have much more of a commute than I do.

19. Any “worst boss ever” anecdotes?
Two. My first contracting job, my boss (from the contracting company) got my notice I was leaving. He called me into the office and told me that the more than 50% increase in salary I was getting from my new employer wouldn't make up for the fact that I was going to be working on internet applications, because that was "only a passing fad." He was like 80. He used to make contractors on the bench watch a video about how he spent like $150,000+ on the first private plane of some sort to come off the assembly line. That was generally the total of what all of the benchers in the room made together over the course of a year.

My other story is about a disagreement over paperwork. When I worked for the nurses, one of the professional staff (i.e., an R.N.) asked where I'd put the summary for a workshop she'd held. I directed her to a matrix I'd created that listed whether all the surveys had been scanned, when, and whether a copy had been delivered to the file, the meeting-owner's mail box and the executive director's mail box. Everything was checked and dated. At which point she began screaming at me about how my chart didn't mean a damn thing and I was lying and I hadn't run the survey and she sure as hell didn't have it and maybe I should check and run it again. It was one of the few times in my life I've ever become so mad I was incapable of thinking. The other administrative assistant took me by the shoulders, pushed me pass the R.N., out the office door, out the building door, and into the parking lot where she made me take deep breaths. When we came back inside quite a while later (after I was tempted to drink the bottle of vodka Mary the admin kept in the back of her car) the R.N. huffed from the other room, "I guess you left it on the bottom of my desk" (meaning under a big pile of papers that had been there for a while).

20. Ever work in an organization where one of your co-workers was caught in a scandal (e.g., caught in the act, caught stealing/lying, sued for something, etc.)?
I don't think I can answer this question in depth without getting into some sort of trouble. But yes. And there's a court case to prove it (it doesn't involve me).

I'm not going to tag Mean Mr. Mustard, because then I'd have to hear about how he worked in college as a movie usher and met local Miss Teen Pisbo County 1948 Shelley Jeffers who shared a tub of lap popcorn with him. Instead, I'll tag LissyJo, because I know she can say she worked outside the country and there may have been crying involved. I'd like to add question #21 before she begins, however - see below. I won't answer it myself, because it's contained above in my story about SQL Server.

21. Have you ever been fired? What for? If not, have you ever been severely reprimanded? What for?