Thursday, February 23, 2012


I'm using this from The Best Movie Dialogue of 2011 from the Forth Worth Weekly Blotch, by Kristian Lin:

Some people thought Evan Glodell’s Bellflower was a terrific dissection of male machismo and vulnerability, while others thought it was self-indulgent and meandering. I tend toward the latter camp myself, but his SoCal-set indie film does have its moments, like this speech at the very end. Woodrow has either a) brutally beaten and raped his unfaithful girlfriend and caused another woman to take her own life, or b) imagined it all. His overly loyal best friend Aiden, having collaborated with Woodrow on building a tricked-out car armed with weapons, gives this insane and amazing pep talk that references a character in The Road Warrior. Even divorced from their meaning, the rhythm of the words and the repetition give it a hypnotic power. I must confess I laughed when he mentioned the jackrabbits. More seriously, this encapsulates the pain and misguided friendship that has led them down a poisonously misogynistic blind alley. What a speech coming from this blind alley, though.

AIDEN: I’ve been thinking. We pretty much moved all the way out here for no reason except for that we thought it would be cool, like in the movies. I mean, we never even go to the beach.
AIDEN: We could just leave. I mean, you’re the only reason I’m here. And it’s like nothing’s even changed.
WOODROW (after taking a drink): Nothing ever changes, dude.
AIDEN: That’s what I’m saying. But I feel like things could change, you know? I’m serious. Like, … (pause) …your car is really badass, dude.
WOODROW: Yeah, it’s not really my car, though.
AIDEN: Yes, it is. I built it for you.
WOODROW: Thank you.
AIDEN: We could just get in the car, put the flamethrower in the trunk, leave town. Do you know how awesome it would be if we, like, went to some small town and went to one of the local bars? Pulled up in that car? People would be like, “Holy shit! Who are these guys?” And we’d be like, “Come outside and take a look at our flamethrower!” Dude, I don’t think you realize how cool your car is. (pause) I’m fucking serious, though, dude. We could take the flamethrower and guns and get a shitload of drugs and liquor and put them all in the trunk and just fucking go.
WOODROW: Oh, fuck, dude. I really feel like I’m having an anxiety attack right now.
AIDEN: Dude, it’s ‘cause you’re thinking about the wrong shit. You just need some better images in your mind. Can you imagine two sweet-ass dudes like us in that car traveling through the desert across America? We would look so fucking cool. We would go places and park the car in places where we know we’d look cool. Hang out smokin’ cigarettes, leaning against the car looking cool, and let people look at us. We could get fuckin’ trashed on drugs in the middle of nowhere and drive a hundred and fifty miles an hour naked down the freeway, hanging out the windows shooting shotguns at freeway signs and fuckin’ historical landmarks and fuckin’ jackrabbits. Dude, we could make some jackrabbit jerky and jackrabbit shoulder pads for our new leather jackets. (a pause as he realizes) Dude, you are Lord Humongous! Dude, you are fucking Lord Humongous! You are Lord fuckin’ Humongous! The master of fire! The lord of the wasteland! Lord Humongous doesn’t get cheated on by some stupid bitch. Lord Humongous doesn’t say, “Was it good for you?” He doesn’t say, “Who called?” or “Where were you last night?” He doesn’t leave the fucking game when he falls in love. Nobody fucking tells Lord Humongous what to do. Lord Humongous fights when he wants to fight and fucks when he wants to fuck and when all else fails, he drives straight into the fucking tanker. The thing is, is that Lord Humongous dominates his women, and they fuckin’ love him for it. (pause) Seriously, we should get outta here. We should get away from all this shit. Make new friends and meet people and stuff, and like… (he trails off)
WOODROW (whispering, almost in tears): I…I fucked up. I fucked up. Fuck!
(Aiden puts an arm around him.)
AIDEN (gently): It’s okay that it hurts. You’re not the only one who fucked up. Okay? You’re getting ready to start your new life as Lord Humongous.

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