Wednesday, May 20, 2009


If tomorrow wasn't a workday, and I wasn't certain that it would give my allergies an overload, I'd be sacked out in the hammock in the backyard overnight.

A note - I'm not typically as crabby and judgemental as the next paragraph implies. But you had to be there to appreciate the smell.

As for you, if you're at Cub Foods, and I can smell you over the produce, across more than the width of a fruit stand, across more than two, you need a shower. I understand that Cub Foods produce is often limp and lifeless and devoid of the best fruit and vegetable smells that would normally cover up funk, but it makes up for it with the rotting apples and grapes that they don't take off the floor. Those weren't complementing your smell, they were competing. And losing. And while it's a possibility that you're poor and can't afford water, but still need food, you should be leaning in favor of a minimal water bill or stealing the neighbor's hose at night rather than treating yourself to the $6.49 raspberries you put in your cart. Everyone is stinky at some time, but there's a limit. I didn't get looks and that much avoidance space from other shoppers when I was fruit shopping after an 80 mile, 100 degree day at RAGBRAI. I didn't put that much space between me and anyone else I've ever met, and I used to ride the 18 and 21 downtown. And your wife. Does she have no nose? Has the smell deadened her nostrils? Does she only eat rice cakes and raspberries because everything tastes the same with that smell cluttering up the background? I hope you smelled like that before you married her and that it was some sort of attractant, because you shouldn't subject it to her as a relationship development.

And don't tell me you have Trimethylaminuria. It wasn't a fishy smell. I believe it was more of a Isovaleric acid reaction with Staphylococcus epidermidis, resulting in a strong cheese type smell, but much worse. B.O. on Wikipedia states that diet is a common issue. If the raspberries are a common habit, I'd recommend dropping them and seeing if that helps.

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