Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Dear LissyJo (and Dan'l)

I am sorry they took your heritage, and layered all sorts crappy cgi dragons on it, even if Koreans made the movie, because it just doesn't make Koreans look as cool as Scottish people do in Highlander, or as Koreans do in Oldboy, which doesn't have a single dragon, but was infinitely scarier. I have to ask a few questions, however...if Korea had so many kick-ass dragons in 1507, how come they didn't take over China. And Japan. And Malaysia. And why didn't they fly to the United States (what would become the United States) and take over here? And why, if two Koreans from 1507 fall in love, do they have to kill themselves and be reborn as weigukin (did I get that right? YangKee seems like stupid marketing kitsch) in order to find true love? Is that some sort of adoption metaphor?

Dan'l. I have to ask. Why isn't the U.S. military smart enough to shoot somewhere other than directly at the bullet proof shields that only cover 1/3 of the dragon soldiers' bodies? And why do your tanks actually crumple and explode when hit by a crappy dragon rocket that looks like a suped up molatov cocktail? And why is it necessary for attack chopper pilots to actually be within grappling range of the enemy? I thought all those videos from the Gulf showed you didn't have to be any closer than like two miles away? I'm glad there are no dragon soldiers in the Gulf.

Finally, back to LissyJo. I guess what I really want to say is that I'm super glad your ancestors weren't killed by dragon infantry with multi-part rockets mounted on their backs and magical dragon-fire swords, and that your great great great grandmother didn't sport a mystical red dragon tattoo that gave her frequent pseudo-orgasms after her 20th birthday, because then you would have never been my sister, and that would have made me sad.


Alex said...

I couldn't believe this thing either, even the name was unimaginative.

LissyJo said...

What's wrong with you and your need to watch obscure crap--even if it is korean?