Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Enormous Valentine's Day Card - Retrospective

I promised I'd throw some pictures out here of the giant Valentine's Day card Kyle helped me make for a girl I wanted to date when I was high school. Construction involved two 4x8 pieces of wood for the card sides, and another piece for miscellaneous bits, like the giant heart on the front and the raised scroll lettering. There were also hinges, Christmas lights, and a box of chocolates involved. I'm sorry some of the pictures are really fuzzy, but we were trying to be stealthy really early in the morning, running for a moving vehicle, with a crappy 110 camera that had a limited number of exposures left. The times they are a changin.

I think this is the picture I posted last time. Kyle applying the blood red coating to the heart. His pacu are watching from the tank behind him. It might seem like I'm taking the picture, but I'm probably upstairs listening to stories his dad is telling me about Wu's house of death, cheap chickens, and drinking too much brandy.

The lettering. The card was for Kris, in case you weren't able to figure that out yourself. After this little stunt, she dated a friend of mine from the tennis team instead, declaring that I was a bit too strange - what with the giant card, the print outs from computer class (no ascii penises - I'm classier than that), the washing machine clips that powered the tape recorder when she opened her locker door, etc. Sounds stalkerish now, but that's only because I'd be drunk if I were doing it now.

Yeah...me. What the hell, eh? Painting either the front or back of the card.

I don't know why we made a giant card and put it in someone's yard. We could have just strapped this hot picture of me in my terrycloth sweatpants in front of a heart in shadow to a piece of paper and women would have been falling over me. Wonder if Hallmark would have been interested..."My heart is unfinished without you." I lost that shirt during the construction of the card. Caught it in a belt sander. It should have been a sign that the chest was ripped out of my shirt.

Kyle, obviously drilling. Many many power tools and other implements were used during construction. It probably took a wider variety of taps, drills, sanders, painters and other pre-Home Depot equipment than is involved in an average bathroom remodeling. I don't know if Kyle continued to drill holes in hearts later in life. He's currently single, so maybe. If any potential dates are impressed with his skill using a power tool and dedication to a Valentine's project that doesn't involve a girl he's trying to court, I can put you in touch.

The card. I believe the front says "Happy Valentine's Day" with "Kris" in white letters on the front of the raised heart. Inside I think it says something like "Great things are done for little smiles" - but it was twenty years ago, so I'm not sure if that's really what it said, or if that's the Alzheimer's speaking.

Update: ah, I found some stray photos. Pooteewheet's scanning abilities are questionable, or the software is, and she has them sort of spread out all over the laptop. As you can see, I was close enough for horse shoes. I don't think that's a quote, unless it's a quote of me...unfortunately. Raised lettering all over - and I signed it with a black sharpie - that's class.

A second fuzzy view that gives you a perspective of how big it was compared to a house. Notice the lights that are on? We definitely woke up the household with our shennanigans. I hope Kris enjoyed the chocolate more than Jody enjoyed the bowl of whip cream at Perkins and the frequent honking as we passed her house.

Bonus photos from the same year, though not nearly as fun. This is the girl I was supposed to take to the prom, but didn't, because I just wasn't too keen on promming at all, and I didn't really get that she like me. She was later crowned Miss Monticello.

She dated my friend Ben - shown here at Sea World during the trip he, Kyle and I took to Washington, D.C. and then to Florida our senior summer - now a teacher. I think on their first date, he ended up eating the fuzzy black covering of a car seat. I'm not sure how that equates to romance. Maybe it was lust.

Nikki - another girl I was interested in dating who spurned my advances, most memorably by sending me a letter early in my freshman year of college accepting my invite to a date at the Chanhassen dinner theater, and then adding that she had discussed it with her boyfriend and he was ok with it, signed, "Your Buddy, Nikki". I don't know how it goes in other parts of the country, but I always figured getting 48 red roses in your locker (NSP hothouse - they were $0.25 each) wasn't a sign that the other person just wanted to be buddies. I know it seems from the above stories, that I didn't have a particularly illustrious dating career in high school, but the failures are way more interesting in retrospect than any story about who I might have felt up thinking her breast was an elbow (seriously, the failures are more interesting).


She says said...

Wow, you go all out, don't you? If Kris was already your girlfriend, then the card was too sweet Otherwise, if it was just a ploy to get her attention, um, yeah, I agree... a bit creepy and stalker-like.

I constructed and erected a sign in a woman's front yard. The woman was my mother. The sign was a piece of styrofoam on which I painted and colored a Happy Birthday message (or was it Happy Mother's Day?). I then stuck it in her lawn. I think she took it down relatively quickly but kept it in the house for a few days to grin at.

And, BTW, props to you for posting pictures from high school. That's more guts than I have!

boringsahm said...

You are a classic! I would have freaked a little too if I found a huge lit up card in my front yard.

So if this is a valentine, I'd love to hear how you proposed to pooteewheet!

LissyJo said...

Perhaps kris found out you had way too much fun making the card than the sentiment behind it...Because that's what it looks like (and sounds like in your memories about it).

Honking at some random house every time we passed it in monti sounds so familiar. I'm sure it's yet another 'little sister trick' you taught me because i have memories telling dad to honk the horn at a certain place "because scott told me to."