Tuesday, June 26, 2007


On day two of single parenthood I felt it was time to teach Eryn how to be a man - I took her bowling. Yeah, yeah...lots of women bowl, I know. But they only do it to meet men in sleeveless, stained t-shirts with pitchers of Bud, a beer belly, and one oversized arm. It's the sex appeal and the sixteen-pound balls.

Eryn and I were just there to have fun, although I explained to her how I used to bowl league in my high school and college days and was overly competitive in my time. I didn't tell her about the lucky crystal doorknob I hauled to all my bowling matches that I got from backstage in the props department while working one and three act plays. No sense in burdening her with my early superstitious nature. She's a better trooper than I am. Two games of bowling and she wasn't complaining or slowing down. Me, on the other arm... Exactly. My arm hurt. Figures. Did you know that in a little more than a year I won't be able to donate sperm any more because of my age? It's all downhill from here on out.

Here's Eryn wondering why there are so many pins left up. And what's with the red pin...that's distracting, even if you can win a case of Mountain Dew for knocking down a set with the red pin in the front. I think that's a bit of a con. If you can get a strike, and then drink a case of Mountain Dew, you're going to be riding the high into another five or six games of bowling. That's going to cost you, even on $1 lane nights.

6 pounds? No problem. Sometimes she threw the 9 pound ball. Sometimes the 6 pound ball got stuck part way down the lane and she wanted to throw the 9 pound ball at it. I drew the line at ball knocking. People get hurt that way. Eryn was impressed when the teenager next to us threw his ball, hit the sweeper, and bounced it back halfway down the aisle. She wondered if that was part of the game.

Eryn's first bowling score. She figured out splits while we were there and how they were marked and that you couldn't really get all the pins if there was a split unless you knew some trick. I explained that with the bumpers up, there were additional tricks you could employ if you were willing to risk the ire of the bowling lane owner.

If pictures aren't enough, there's video, with some kickin' 80's background music, just like there should be while bowling. None of that lameoid techno, glow-in-the-dark crap for us - old school all the way. But that's because I didn't tell her the techno, glow-in-the-dark thing existed on Sundays, or I'm sure I'd be back immediately. I think this gave us a chance to focus on her basic skills - spin, loft, whether the bowling ball with the skull in it really improves your game. Speaking of which, Eryn noticed the silhouette of the lady bowling that showed her doing the classic bowling pose, one leg slicing out behind the other for balance. So she tried to mimic it, which involved putting one leg in front of the other in much the same way, but backwards, and then lobbing the ball about three feet straight up and out. It didn't go very far after that, but it was funny as hell when it was obvious she wasn't going to end up with a concussion.

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