Sunday, February 04, 2007

World War Z

Some things you shouldn't cop to, even on a blog. But, if I didn't post embarrassing things about myself, it just wouldn't be as interesting. So, in that vein, I read this book, World War Z. Did I know it was a book about zombies before I read it? Yes. Was I aware that there were reviews on Amazon where individuals actually compared the book to Stephen Ambrose's (you know, Band of Brothers and such) books about WWII, "The interview format really gives the book a sense of realism despite the outrageous and fantastical nature of the book. As I read the book I was reminded of Stephen A. Ambrose's books on the men and women who fought during World War 2." Yes. Was I aware of the other reviews by fanboys stating that it might be better than a Romero flick, that it was classic "horror", and that it was scary enough to warrant this cliche, "I highly reccomend this book, but I also highly reccomend that you read it during the day with the doors locked." [um...sic]. Yes. But Amazon recommended it to me. I mean, they have computers, and algorithms, and complex mathematical data-mining to ensure that they're not pushing me some piece of crap, right?

In my defense, I didn't actually buy it from Amazon, I checked it out of the local library. Hey, if they carry a copy, it can't be bad, right? They don't carry all the Terry Pratchett books. I have to interlibrary loan them. So World War Z has to be relatively higher on their "must own" list. And there's a library board of some sort. Don't they sit around in that big room downstairs with an agenda:

Board "president": "Next item on our list, World War Z."

Library board chorus: "Here here!"

Lone Pratchett fan on the board, "Boo. Boo!"

President: "Point of order! We all know your feelings on the lack of Pratchett material at our library, Rince. But the point has been addressed and we have moved on."

Geeky Board Member, pale and obviously lonely: "Ma'am, if I may interject?"

President: "The board gives the floor to the lonely geek from the Eagan trailer home complex."

Geeky Board Member, looking self righteous: "World War Z is a classic. It not only gives me hope that a nerd like me might be prepared for a world zombie castrophe on a scale we presently cannot comprehend, but that others might one day respect me for my backyard studies in how to stop zombies with the limited firecrackers at our disposal in Minnesota and that I will be immortalized in a post-apocalyptic interview for my efforts."

Library board chorus: "Here here!"

Rince, the Pratchett fan: "Pft."

President: "If you can not be civilized, you will be removed from the meeting!"

Rince: "By who? Mr. I can kick a zombie's ass with a wad of firecrackers?"

Geeky Board Member, indignant: "Hey! I resent that. This book is an instant classic of horror. It's the I Am Legend of our generation! And it teaches us the lessons our fathers learned during World War II. To stand up for ourselves, to reach beyond ourselves, to band together as brothers!"

Library board chorus: "Here here! Woot woot!"

Rince: "I really don't remember the zombie scene from Band of Brothers. Nor from Private Ryan. Maybe I was too busy with my Star Wars action figures."

President: "Your wit and sarcasm are misplaced!"

Rince: "Just like they were misplaced before the author wrote World War Z?"

Geeky Board Member, now splotchy red with rage: "What will you do when the underwater zombies come for us?! Will you know that you need a Mark VI bear suit to fight them effectively? Will you? Or will you be fighting them tooth and nail in our great 10,000 lakes in just your swim suit?"

Library board chorus: general cheering

Rince: "I refuse to get in an argument about underwater zombies..."

Geeky Board Member, cutting in, righteous: "That's because you don't know the parameters. You don't know how they survive the pressue, how they survive the predators. No one does, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be prepared!" (raises hands above his head, like a man winning the Tour de France).

Library board chorus erupts in exuberant support, starts to carry geek around the room on their shoulders.

President pounds gavel over and over and over: "It is carried. World War Z. Let the people of Eagan be prepared for the coming undead apocalypse!"

1 comment:

PrincessMax said...

Oh my sweet Jebus. And you wrote that at 7:30 in the morning.

I'm going to try to use the sentence, "I refuse to get in an argument about underwater zombies..." in at least two different conversations today.