Thursday, March 31, 2005

I Am Ordained

Well, most of my coworkers know about it already - I just couldn't keep quiet because I was so happy I finally went to the trouble to get ordained. In my defense, I can claim I waited so long because a.) I wanted to do it on Easter and b.) I wanted to do it on Erik's birthday. Waiting until they coincided was the big issue. But, all waiting aside, I am now an ordained reverend in the Universal Life Church, which boasts a monastery in Tucson, AZ. When I go to visit my parents this fall, I'll post a picture of me standing in front of it. Just getting ordained in Minnesota isn't enough to officiate at weddings, however - to do that, you have to file official paperwork with the county (so I actually had to spend $9.90 including shipping and handling of the signed certificate) and, as near as I can tell, your church has to have a physical structure and some way of meeting, even if it's just email or an online forum. Hence, my choice of a church that has both a church and a monastery, even thought it doesn't care what it is I'm advocating. When my official certificate gets here, I will be able to file with Dakota county so that I can perform weddings. Do I ever expect to perform a wedding. Not so much. But it's fun to know I can - I've been giving Erik ideas about how he needs a West Wing-themed wedding. Do I ever expect to tell someone who preaches to me about the Schiavo case(s) or any other morality issue, "In my capacity as a minster/reverend..." - heck yes (I would have said "hell yes" before, but I have a duty to my flock now).

So, give me about two weeks, and if you actually do need someone to officiate at a wedding, perform a baptism, whatever, I'll be good to go. Not that I'll know what I'm doing, but we can make it up as we go. Note that I am allowed to:
  • Perform funerals.
  • Perform marriages.
  • Start a congregation.
  • Perform exorcisms: Universal Life Church Ministers are authorized to perform sacerdotal ceremonies including the rite of Exorcism, however in this particular practice of a rite or ritual there are additional aspects... Not that I have to believe in demons - but I can if I want to.

By the way I have very little to do with people who are serious about being ordained - like this person, although if you do need some guidance regarding the tree of life, I know just enough to be really annoying - blame it on a liberal arts education at Hamline U - I met about 100 people just like this while I was attending writing classes there.


Anonymous said...

So does this mean you can't play Texas Hold 'Em anymore, or are you going to try and bless the cards before we play.

Scooter said...

I'm allowed to worship Texas Hold 'Em if I like - I can actually make it a ritual if I feel so enthused. I guess I know who my patron saints would be. I'm not restricted by any Christian ethos/rules.

Anonymous said...

Scott have you realy lost it? Do I and your Mother need to come north to talk this over? Seems like you are out their in la la land.

Scooter said...

Now, how anonymous can you be when you say "I and your Mother"? That either means you're my dad, my second mommy (which is ok with my church - but I can't give you a second marriage - you have to blame that on the Minnesota legislature), or someone living with my mother (which I thought was my dad - so I'm scared if it's someone else).

Call me crazy, but you'll be excited when I'm delivering the official blessing at Grandma's birthday this summer.

Anonymous said...

Gramma will be *SO* proud!