Sunday, September 26, 2004

My Weekend

Well, there's not much to say - Saturday I played games all day with a mixture of Westies and other friends and filled my body with both solid (meatballs, an omelet, lots of M&Ms) and liquid (pumpkin beer, shipyard beer, Leine's beer, some new IPA, Young's Chocolate Stout, etc., just to name half a dozen) pollutants, a lot of them.

But something about the bodily pleasures of that day made me dissatisfied, so I found myself a tree and sat under it in deep mediation. I told myself, "I will not leave this spot until I find an end to suffering." Saturday night, I was visited by an evil one who tried to tempt me away from my virtuous path. This evil one put many temptations and tribulations before me. Sunday morning beautiful women - Sandra Bullock, Minnie Driver, and Sophie Marceau - were sent to lure me into pleasure. Then Sunday afternoon several local forecasters from WCCO, KSTP, and KARE11 threatened to lash my repose with bolts of lightning, wind and heavy rain. Lastly, Sunday evening I faced demonic armies armed with flaming rocks, sharp pointy sticks, sponges soaked in very cold water, and all manner of portable DVD players loaded with Fear Factor reruns. I defeated them all with my virtue. As my struggles ended, I realized the cause of suffering and how to remove it. I had gained the most supreme wisdom and understood things as they truly are. I became 'The Awakened One'. My new state allowed me to perceive three universal truths and four noble truths about our existence:
  • nothing is lost in the universe, it is only misplaced for periods exceeding a normal person's lifetime,
  • everything changes except Fear Factor,
  • there exists cause and effect, this is why I did not pick my CDFFL players last week,
  • suffering is common to all, but especially to Larry,
  • we are the cause of our suffering, but if we try hard, we can help others to suffer,
  • we can stop our suffering unless Kevin is somehow involved,
  • there is a path we can all follow to end our suffering, but that path only works for people no taller than six foot three (6'3").



BiggTree said...

Are those apple trees? If so, what kind of apples are they? I planted some Honeycrisp apple trees this year, but it will be a few years before they produce. When they do produce, the deer will eat them all, but for now I am clinging to Hope.

Scooter said...

Did you know that Honeycrisp apples were bred right here in Minnesota at the U of MN Arboretum for use in the midwest and that the average apple breeder, even one involved in a large program like that at the Arboretum is lucky to see the creation of 3-4 commercially/edibly viable lines of apples in his or her lifetime? It takes up to 15,000 trees to produce 1-2 trees that they choose to make cuttings from and the rest are destroyed. The current commercial line from the Arboretum is the Zestar! (I belive that's correct, including the exclaimation point at the end). The Zestar! was designed to fulfill a niche in early season apples which have traditionally been soft and not as appreciated as apples like the Honeycrisp, which, suprisingly has been garnering international attention. If you're interested in apples, I suggest listening to MPR (hence my knowledge of the Zestar! and all things apple) or visiting the Apple House at the MN Arboretum.

klund said...

And yet, with all that text, you neglect to answer BiggTree's question. You have nearly as little tact as I do.

Scooter said...

Well, the actual problem is that they're not my apples. I found enlightenment in my neighbor's yard and he and I don't speak much, so I'm not sure what sort of horticulturing he's up to.

BiggTree said...

I knew HoneyCrisps were developed at the U of MN. But I didn't know any of that other crap.