Midwest Burlesk 2010

I went to the Best of the Midwest Burlesk Festival 2010 at the Ritz tonight. Last year I went with Kyle, but this year I screwed it up and managed to purchase a ticket for the 7:00 p.m. show while Kyle and his brother went to the 10:00 p.m. show. I think I finally figured out what I did, and it involved the use of a bookmark and backspace key. All very stupid. But I'm almost glad I missed dinner at the Polish restaurant. I had breakfast at Junior's with Ming and lunch at Ghengis with the guys from work. I'm still not hungry (although I am drinking a 2010 Bigfoot Ale while I write and, as we all know, food is beer).

Midwest Burlesk was once again great, even by myself (Ming...I know they were sold out, but I think you could have scored a ticket at the door. There was an open seat next to me, although perhaps the only one in the house). It's just an incredible variety of bulesk (burlesque), and you're never bored.

Some of my favorite moments were:

• The opening act, Minne Tonka. She did a Mary Tyler Moore strip tease.
• The Stage Door Johnnies from Chicago. One of them did a strip tease involving washing himself and multiple layers of towels, like a Matryoshka doll. A favorite of the many women in the audience.
• Nadine DuBois singing "Coax Me" while being undressed by AJ the Bodyguard. She's hilarious in addition to being sexy. That was a serious green dress, by the way.
• Trigger (Ferguson). Oh my god. I expected this to be something I hated. It was less burlesk at first and more loud cross dressing act. But it went somewhere incredibly amusing after the opening monologue. The audience was roaring. And he's seriously athletic.
• Fanny Tastic. She did a bit as a flight attendant last year. This year she did an act with a bowler (hat). Great dancing. When she sort of grabbed at her bottom and legs with her fingers and pulled, you could hear a reaction from the audience. Incredibly sexy.
• Sweetpea dancing to "Dance Machine". She started out in a boots and a robot costume and took it off to reveal heels and skin. She started with a robot dance and moved into several other dance in what was so energetic it looked like serious work.
• Lola van Ella from St. Louis doing a 50s housewife schtick involving an apron, some frosting, and a spatula while singing "Bake me a cake". Nadine warned that she was renowned for her bottom, and her site calls her "the derriere beyond compare". The advertising was well deserved. The frosting ended up on her body, and the spatula ended up replacing her merkin. Very funny. Her website says I can book her for parties...hmm...Kyle, don't you turn 40(ish) this year?
• Michelle L'amour did the finale with a sort of Spanish dance. Not as exciting a finale as last year with all the hands popping out of the sofa, but a great dance. She does a lot with minimal props.
• And there were others - it didn't end there. Burgundy Brixx from Vancouver. The Chicago Starlets (from Michelle L'amour's school in Chicago). Kami Oh (I think). Ned the Magnificent. Ophelia Flame. Ray Gunn. Summer Clearance (I think it was her doing the fan dance). Switch the Boi. Vica the naughty ballerina. And more.

Pooteewheet is going with Cookie Queen and Lissy Jo tomorrow. I know she'll have fun.

My only complaint is that the beer selection wasn't as good as it was last year when there were Flat Earth beers to be had. Fortunately, Surdyk's was right down the road and between the Ritz and I-35.

Burlesk

Every once in a while I get it in my head to do something I wouldn't normally do, like attend Point Break the Play. This week I felt I was long overdue and I noticed in some of the local papers that the Midwest Burlesk show was playing Thursday through Sunday at the Ritz Theater, right next to the 331 (home of Liberally Drinking). It fit the bill, and I pinged Kyle to ask him if he'd go. He was game, so we decided to make it a full Thursday, and hit Origami for sushi, and then the show.

Sushi was great, and the highlight was trying Monkfish liver, which the menu touted as the foie gras of the sea. Fortunately, I can't picture anyone trying to force feed a monkfish, which is why I don't eat real foie gras. I wasn't sure what to expect and was pleasantly surprised. It was smooth, with a slight tang from the lemon and sauce, and had a light fish flavor that wasn't at all like eating a piece of fish fat. Just a light, sea flavor that you hear about on Food TV, but never really bump into if you're not a world traveler or living in Seattle. Delicious. And that machine with the two bottles sticking out of it. That's a sake warmer. I guess I should have known that, but I've always been a cold sake sort of guy.

On to the burlesque (burlesk). I realize that no matter how I explain this, there's likely to be a wide swath of people I know who think, "I don't care what he says. That must have been lame. He was drunk. Or an idiot. No. I know Scott. It was both." I'm not denying I'm an idiot. I'm not denying I was drinking. The Ritz Theater had a wide selection of wines and beer and I had some great Angry Planet Pale Ale from Flat Earth Brewing. But the show was wonderful. Truly spectacular. Seriously. Damn. Fun.

One of my early memories is staying in a hotel and how excited my parents were to discover that on pay television there was a burlesque show. Despite how young I was, they let me watch the show and told me about seeing live shows when they were younger. There was a guy singing about being the top banana, and later in the show a woman came on the screen to do her act. My mother was ecstatic that she was a tassel twirler, and when the woman gave evidence to how she could twirl in both directions at once, my mother was visibly and vocally happy about how professional she was because it took real talent to twirl appropriately. The Midwest Burlesk show gave me an idea of why having seen live shows when she was younger would have been such a memorable event.

My favorite acts of the night were:

Nadine Dubois - the emcee for the night. Funny. Sexy (I never thought I'd say that about someone in sparkly red lipstick). She sings. She does burlesque. She makes jokes about whiskey and cowbells. She was engaging from front to back and really pulled the show together.

The first act - I don't know who they were, but a strip tease done in snowmobile suits, furry hats, and other accoutrements. Hilarious.

Foxy Tann and the Wham Bam Thank You Ma'ams - great dance moves, afros and Hendrix's Foxy Lady. Some serious cheering from the audience.

Ned the Magnificent - not really a stripper. He was the comic entertainment. He did a superman schtick with a folding chair that was great.

Boylesque Hot Toddy - not quite equal time for the guys. But I point out this member of Belmont Burlesque of Chicago (who also had a great red head doing an act) because his act was so classically burlesque and done so well. The audience seemed to be about 60/40 women, so his act was well met. Four of the women from Belmont Burlesque came out with very large pillows and did a dance, then met in the middle of the stage and brought the pillows together in a 2x2 formation as Boylesque stripped behind the pillows. Left - lots of flesh, hat on head. Right - lots of flesh, hat on head. Front, with the fedora strategically placed.

Fanny Tastic - Fanny came out dressed in a very shiny flight attendant outfit, carrying a flight case, the sort your mother converted into a makeup case, or a storage container for old photos. She bent over and pulled out a belt and demonstrated how to prepare for your fight. Pulled out a can of coke and poo pooed it in favor of a bottle of Jack Daniels. Then did an amazingly athletic dance.

Michelle L'amour - I saw Michelle on television when she was doing her balloon dance on America's Got Talent. The Hoff and company ruined her gig which seemed silly when they made fun of her not-for-family-viewing antics, because she did the balloon dance during the burlesque show, floating away several pieces of clothing, and it was funny and sexy at the same time. But that wasn't the highlight. The highlight was her show-closing performance. Michelle had a large heart rolled out on the stage that looked like it was covered wth your grandmother's old, green couch. She did a great burlesque dance on stage that then moved to the heart, which had posts around the outside so she could do some acrobatics along the sides and top. Just when you thought she was done, more clothing came off, her champagne glass turned out to be full of baby oil instead, and hands shot out through the heart-couch to rub in the baby oil. Kyle put it well. He said it was like a fireworks display. You kept expecting the end, and she kept upping the stakes. This is the part where you think I'm crazy, or a perv, but you had to be there to see it to appreciate just what a show it was.

They're sold out for Friday and Saturday, but tickets are still available for Sunday (and Lily's Burlesque does regular shows at Bryant Lake and Michelle L'amour in Chicago) and it's definitely an event you can bring a date to (and many people did).