A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...an extract

I wanted to keep this where I can find it for later should I need it; it's me critiquing my friend's daily desk calendar: Texts From Dog Daily 2017 Calendar.  While listening to A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (BBC Radio version) the tea dispenser bit came up, so I repurposed it to express my dislike of the calendar.


MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
If you have enjoyed the experience of this calendar, why not share it with your friends?

KEVIN:
Because I want to keep them! Will you try and comprehend what I’m telling you? That calendar-

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
…that calendar was individually tailored to meet your personal requirements for scheduling and humor

KEVIN:
Ah! So I’m a masochist on a timeline, am I?!

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Share and enjoy.

KEVIN:
Oh shut up.

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Will that be all?

KEVIN:
Yes. No look it’s very, very simple. All I want - are you listening?

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Yes.

KEVIN:
…is a simple, plain, calendar. Just the dates. Got that?

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
I hear.

KEVIN:
Good. And do you know why I want a simple, plain, calendar?

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Please wait.

KEVIN:
What?

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Computing…

KEVIN:
What are you doing?

MICHELLE MODEL 2017 CHRONOMATIC CALENDAR DISPENSER:
Attempting to calculate answer to your question: why you want non-humorous jottings on dead trees...