Thursday, March 12, 2009

Gratuitous Spanking

I finally got the clip for my employee badge replaced after carrying it around loose in my pocket for a few weeks. This time I got a plastic piece with a stretchy string attached, so I can whip it out of my pocket and show it off without having to detach it. I'm so cool. So I was in the corporate library, reviewing some materials, and I stood up and started walking out. The next thing I know, someone smacks me on the ass. Hard. It stung. I was surprised, though not necessarily concerned.

Then my badge flies past me, launching itself about 2 feet in front of me, shoots back past me in the other direction, and slowly settles to a stop. It had gotten caught in the couch I was sitting on and stretched to the end of its tether before deciding I was a naughty boy. Can I sue my badge for harassment?

It seems all my pseudo-inanimate objects are conspiring against me. First my badge spanked me. Then shortly after that, my pen hopped out of my folder and shot directly down the space between the third floor and the elevator. In 2025 someone will find it at the bottom of the shaft, covered in dust and stress chew marks related to the migration of data from legacy to distributed systems. That'll be a real archaeological find.

1 comment:

Mac Noland said...

My stomach kept snapping off my belt zip-clip. I optioned for the neck loop. Makes me feel like a fifth grade football coach.