Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Brown Bunny

Why is Brown Bunny with Vincent Gallo so controversial? Pooteewheet and I couldn't tell you, and we've been watching it for an hour. Maybe it's all the driving. It is an inordinate amount of driving. Almost as much as in Fat Girl. Someone should do something very soon or the movie will be over.

Approximately 30 minutes pass with a quite a bit of fast forwarding...

Oh...wow was that bad. That was perhaps the worst thing I've ever seen and I've seen The Cave. Erik, for the sake of your sanity, get it off your Netflix list. I shall summarize so you don't have to watch it: I, Vincent Gallo, want to get a blow job from Chloë Sevigny. I shall make a movie where I drive around a lot, pick up nasty looking women with the names of flowers (Rose, Violet, Lilly, Buttercup...wait, that last one is from The Princess Bride), kiss them, and run away, because they're not the nasty woman with the name of a flower I left, Chloe Svingy, aka Daisy. The audience shall be bored, but if they're creative, they'll speculate about what sort of flower-named girl I might hook up with next, and whether the name "flower" qualifies as a flower name at all, while waiting for an original revelation that turns out to be really rather pointless and unrevelatory. After 1.4 hours of driving, I'll have a moving scene that is is entirely unmoving and unoriginal, but serves the original purpose, a blow job from Chloë Sevigny. 4 out of 10 critics liked this thing, but I think they just wanted to make up an excuse for wasting 97 minutes of their life watching this rather than just watching a porn movie. It wasn't controversial, it was excruciatingly dull and pretentious and the point and the character(s) and the characterization and everything else were run of the mill if not out and out regurgitated. If you must watch Vincent Gallo, please stick to Buffalo 66, his admission in that movie that he can't drive a "shifter car" is a better line than anything you'll find in Brown Bunny.

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