Showing posts with label mean mr. mustard's sister. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mean mr. mustard's sister. Show all posts

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Agile Highway Construction

I noticed that the Highway 35E construction near 494 has a large sign board right next to the portapotty, decorated with various articles and details. Yes...they seem to have discovered Agile. They have a storyboard. It can't be for passersby, as you can't read it from your car, and there's no place to pull over. I picture the road construction individuals going over there and picking off individual work items for their next sprint, to peruse while they're doing their (other) business. Truly, Agile It.

Yesterday, before playing board games, I went geocaching around Lake Phalen. As I was pulling in to park, I noticed a lot of signs announcing that Waterfest was underway. I expected bikini-clad women bending over muscle cars, and acres of wet, white t-shirts. But mostly it looked like a lot of people just sitting in boats on the lake. Seriously disappointing. But while searching for the cache, I did find the nest of a homeless person, all tricked out in dirty clothes and empty 40 bottles. At least I don't think it was some geocacher who couldn't find the cache at first and decided to stay until they had.

During boardgaming day, I was given a gift. Porn. You see, I watched an episode of Attack of the Show! (G4) quite a while ago, and they listed their top 10 porn movies you'd want to have on a deserted island. #1 was "Porn Wars" - a Europorn spoof(?) of Star Wars. I think it was Sean who asked yesterday what made it "Euro", to which I replied, "no dice." (If you're a boardgamer, that is an incredibly witty, yet geeky, joke). I pointed out to my wife that we only had one single friend, and Porn Wars would be a hilarious gift. Unfortunately, it was hell to find, and I ended up ordering the trilogy (yep...trilogy) from Spain, which contacted a California shipping agency to forward it. As you might imagine, this left little room for a salutation. So when Kyle got it several months after I ordered it, even though I'd warned him I'd sent him a very unusual gift, he shipped it back. He seems to have felt at least a little surprised that he didn't attribute such a purchase to me, so he scoured eBay for a copy and gifted it to me on boardgaming day. I have yet to watch it, but when I do, I'll be sure to post a review. As Pete says, and I paraphrase, "I wonder if there's a Dickstar?"

And speaking of snail mail gone horribly wrong, I think I can comment on this now that it's been a few weeks. The only other piece of US Postal-related mail I've sent recently was a tattoo that Eryn and I found in a geocache. It was a Hawaii Pipefitters Union Something or Other tattoo, and I thought, "The only person I know who's been in Hawaii, and is in a union, is my friend Dan'l." So I asked Eryn if I could send it (what's she going to do with a Hawaiian Pipefitters tattoo) and dropped it in an envelope with a Honolulu return address. Seemed pretty innocent until Dan'l received it and thought it was something his Gulf I buddy had sent him, a buddy whose daughter, unknown to the rest of us (including his wife), was his goddaughter. He called the union in Hawaii and was wound up, until his wife thought to ask me if I'd sent it. On the one hand, I'm impressed that on some level I know Dan'l well enough to truly make such an egregious faux pax. On the other hand, I'm not sure how I could have avoided doing something boneheaded in the long run short of never sending him anything, which really isn't my style. I would have never thought to question the tattoo after sending him the heads of the Christian holy family in the mail with no consequences. My apologies nonetheless - not for the sending, I was bound to do something like that sooner or later - but for the resulting anguish. I can still feel bad about it, even if I couldn't have anticipated it.

So two friends, two bad mail experiences, in a short timeframe. Obviously I'm on a roll. So if you're a friend who's currently questioning something you received, call me before leaping to any conclusions about what you find in your p.o. box.

She Says asked me a follow up about the cement. It was going to cost us $600 to fix a few jutting slabs of cement, or $1200 to fix the whole sidewalk and some extraneous pieces (about 5x as much cement). So the math made sense, particularly given that the sidewalk had sunk over the years, or the yard had risen (more likely), and the whole thing was a great big ice slide every winter. As Jeremy the Renter noted, "The ice on the sidewalk only went out last week."

Yesterday, on the way to gaming, I was singing along to Finger Eleven's Paralyzer and realized that in the rearview mirror, I could see my mouth singing in my sunglasses, which really reminded me of Manfred Mann's Roaring Silence cover, as well as an advertisement I'd seen in a magazine which turned into a mouth as eyes photoshopping content at FreakingNews.com. Sorry Mean Mr. Mustard, I tried to find it at Worth1000 and had no luck.

Eryn, Pooteewheet and I placed a new tooth geobug for her today. She's lost three teeth so far, and the Tooth Fairy has brought her two tooth geobugs, and a shark geobug (he's toothy! I'll post his picture when we drop him off). We dropped it off today at Oak Terrace East Park in Burnsville, which is where I've been doing a lot of caching lately because it's just a bunch of great walks, and there are about 10 caches within .2 miles of each other. Still, a long walk when you have to go between them, because it's never a straight line. We've been turning each cache trip into a picnic and playground outing as well, so it's a family thing. Today I found a bunch of caches that Julie, a coworker of mine, had found back in January. Brrrrrrr.

The cache we didn't find today was this one. Very irritating, because I think it was a decoy. I looked around for a while because it was empty, but to no avail. But I'm about 99.8% convinced I should have looked harder, or thumped the bottom a bit more (the log, not Pooteewheet) to see if it was hiding there. This is why geocachers are annoying - they think they're all so smart and clever. Bastards. (Of course, I think I'm smart and clever when I actually find it, so it evens out in the long run). I also found my first puzzle cache today! It's actually my second, but the first one was pretty easy, the coordinates were in octal, and I didn't find the second stage, although I've retained the clue. This one I figured out by picking apart a James-Bond-esque set of clues on line. The last person there was almost six weeks ago, so I know it's a challenge.


Finally, Kyle, if you get this far...how was Adam after that last glass of Johnnie Walker Green? He seemed borderline (nonsensical folks, not borderline comatose - and in that way where you sort of have a well-informed, firm comment on everything, not in the way where you sound like you're speaking another language) going into it, although he was playing Cash n' Guns with some authority, so maybe it wasn't that bad.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

She Says and the Record Meme

She Says posted a record meme via Jami. So in the spirit of always faithfully meme-ing whatever it is she feels needs to be memed, I post my own contribution. But not before alerting her that my official minister credentials from the county showed up today. I am now legal to perform the marriage ceremony in the State of Minnesota. Any chance you want to get married in Minnesota? I can provide 12 hours of premartial education that will not only cut your license fee from $100 to $30, but be downright surreal, in an educational way. Anyone else looking to get married? My schedule is currently unbooked. Sorry Mean Mr. Mustard - in Minnesota you cannot marry your sister or cousin or just add Miss Obispo County 1969 as a sisterwife.

The rules for the meme:

You are in a band. Your band is about to release their first CD. Now, follow these directions to build it. Go to

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The tail (last three or four words) of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Use the graphics program of your choice to put them together into your first CD.

I think the result has a ZZ Top sound to it and is every bit as fine as a Leo Sayer album cover.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Linktopia

MNSpeak links to an annual list of banned words/phrases by Lake Superior State. #1 on their list - "perfect storm". I am vindicated.

Luke Francl at Just Looking, who hopefully got his Code Freeze '08 registration figured out, links to a flow chart on bacon. This correlates very strongly with my life. I believe it may govern my friend Dan'l's life. Certain robots can also use this flow chart effectively.

Eryn asked that Cinderella be added to our Netflix list for her. I wasn't sure if she meant the Disney verison, or this version - Cinderella 2000: "Fast-forward to the year 2047, where the Fornication Police have forbidden any risqué rendezvous among earthlings. But laws were meant to be broken, reasons sexy Cindy, who'll stop at nothing to snag a hunky prince. Fighting for their frisky rights, Cindy (Catherine Erhardt) and her lover must combat the wicked ruler responsible for the sexual oppression in this erotically charged sci-fi fairy tale from master of exploitation cinema Al Adamson."

I explained this to Tall Brad today, but Ming and Mean Mr. Mustard missed it as they didn't go to lunch. I told Pooteewheet I have poker on Friday at Brad's. She asked how often I played, because I often miss it. I said, about once a month. Although I thought it might be just a little more often, because I was pretty sure there were two days during one month. Maybe it was every 28 days. To which she responded, now that Brad's married, does he have to play poker on his wife's cycle? Ouch...burn.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Postpourri - A Nipple, Bread, Esoteric Bicycling Ceremonies

In honor of Klund's birthday, I present a mashup. Not a Yahoo mashup with a picture and news story, an invention of his, but one from my Netflix queue in-transit list: "Inside Deep Throat. Sandwiches You Will Like."

My sister and Kyle had an email discussion about scary clowns this afternoon. I offer into evidence this recent post by Planet Dan.

I'm not quite sure if I saw a nipple today. I was in a meeting, and my eyes were drawn to what appeared to be a bit too much... I don't know. What do you call it when it's not traditional plunging cleavage, but sort of shirt pulls to the side over a low-cut bra cleavage? Anyway, there was a lot of breast showing and my eyes were drawn, like George Costanza at a television pitch. I was surprised, because I don't usually check out breasts. They were nice, but I realized that what had caught my attention was a dark spot on the bra/breast liminal. At first I thought it was a nipple - well, the part you could see with a low cut bra - the areola - not to be confused with the aureola, the luminous part around Jesus. Then I thought, no, it's more like a birthmark (which could have been shaped like Jesus, but who's to say with only part of it showing). But that wasn't quite right. Maybe a bite - could be breast feeding a little animal who doesn't understand he has teeth. Finally I settled on hickey. Then I worried about whether I'd been looking too long. What? No...I was contemplating Christ!

In case Mean Mr. Mustard doesn't believe me, National Alpaca Farm Day is September 29th and September 30th. National Alpaca Farm Day is on two days. No wonder alpacas always look so surly, if they're only getting half their food on any given day because their owners think a day is 48 hours long.

Speaking of food. Pooteewheet made me a loaf of coffee-banana bread last night. I had an urge to see what coffee grounds mixed into banana bread would taste like, seeing french toast with coffee grounds had turned out pretty well, and I like ice cream with coffee grounds. However, she washed the stove dials during baking and cooked the loaf at 550 degrees. At that temperature, it tastes like charcoal. I ripped the top 1/3 off and recooked the rest at a lower temperature and it turned out pretty well, but I can't taste as much coffee as I like, and it leaves grounds in my teeth. Not precisely a success.

Velocipete has a very funny post on his site about his ritual to appease the gods of flat tires. I feel for him. I had my share on RAGBRAI, during casual riding, and across all my bikes. Sacrificing a balloon sounds like it might work as well as anything else.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Misc

It is f-ing irritating that I'm home early enough to blog from poker at Tall Brad's house. Three 7's should not be a losing hand. I should just stay home. On-line poker for no money at all is almost as satisfying and I don't lose overall playing against online folk, I do really well.

Pooteewheet seems a little disturbed that I think a three-way with Rita Moreno and Carol Kane would be hot. Sure, Rita will be 75 this week, but Carol is only in her mid-50's. She could be Mean Mr. Mustard's older sister...yeah...I don't know where I'm going with that...