Poke Poke

What's that?  Ming seems to be wearing out while poking me in Facebook?  He just doesn't have the same gumption he once had?  Is it like I'm the terminator?  Merciless in my ability to poke back?  It's like I'm just sitting there waiting for him to poke me?  I wonder if that turing test/stopwatch joke makes sense now.

Jesus

Seems like JESUS (and he must be the Jesus, because it's all in CAPS) would have something better to do than play MafiaWars on Facebook. What's he going to do with his $200,000? Give it to the victims of MafiaWars crimes?

"One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!' "

"Nay!" replied Jesus. "For I don't have enough energy, nor have my friends given me an energy pack today. Or perhaps it has not been 24 hours since I last used an energy pack. Will you help me fight off an ultra-national gang?"

F****** Piece of S*** G****** I Hate You B**** S*** Farmtown

I hate Farmtown. I hate it. I hate it. IHATE IT. F***. What the hell is wrong with this game. I do not want to harvest F****** plums, apples and corn. I do not want to worry about G****** donkeys and dogs. GEEZ** F****************** C**********. Why? Why do I even think twice about the game? I could achieve the same s*** on Webkinz. At least Eryn would be happy in that case.

Screw you. Screw you all for even making me think about playing it. If you play Farmtown I hate you. No exceptions. And that includes you Kyle. And Matthew. May your children and nephews and nieces disown you for the wankers you are. May they promise you food when you're old and poor and then laugh as they give you g****** bits that are undigestible.

Why? Why would I ever consider owning Joy as a slave? Why would I consider it some sort of fun unless I was a masochist? See. Here? In the piture below. Joy harvests my farm. She's been a slave so long she knows not to havest the last field so she can harvest trees instead. THAT'S F****** WORTHLESS INFORMATION!!!! I quit Farmtown. I quit. If you're one of the 19-5000 "here's a f****** coconut tree" notices, I disown you. Seriously...I'll virtually beat you for your virtual tree/animal next time I see you. You anger me in a way I've previously reserved for Steely Dan.

I mean it.

Postpourri - tires, breasts, blackberrys, Facebook quizzes

Why does Tires Plus offer the fourth tire for free? I went to Discount Tires, and paid for all four, and based on the online price, it was cheaper than three at Tires Plus. Does anyone ever buy three at Tires Plus and say, "Eh...I don't need the fourth one. No thanks." Or, "Yeah, I'll take it, but I can't use it. I'll give it to a friend." Of course I had to buy Kumho tires, which make Ming laugh, but it was still a better deal. That's right, cheap Kumhos are a good deal. A shout out to Amy at Outback Steakhouse (I apologize for the textual positioning) where I ate while I was waiting for the tires to be installed. She was a great server and, while I realize some people might not have appreciated their waitress sitting down opposite them at the table to chat, for a guy who was obviously on his own for dinner, it was the right move for a better tip.

I saw a woman talking to her Blackberry today at work. That's not so unusual. If you're using the phone.

I was behind a woman on the corporate skyway today. Didn't know her. Couldn't see her face. But no less than five guys walked past going the other way and in every single case their eyes immediately dropped and lingered. I didn't get a chance to see what was drawing so much attention. Maybe it was Christy.

Finally, I have a new hobby on Facebook. I make up my own answers to quizzes. I consider this to be somewhat on the level with Klund's Mix and Match popular Yahoo story to popular Yahoo photo activity. Most of the quiz answers on Facebook are mundane and predictable. I like to mix it up a bit:

For a fairy tale quiz: "Scott just took the "which fairytale do you belong in?" quiz and the result is Godfather Death. If you met a man with thirteen children, you know the best gift you could give him is the location to magical cannibis in the woods and a trick candle."

For which Godfather character are you: "Scott just took the "Which Godfather character are you?" quiz and the result is Khartoum. You're a $600,000 stud. No doubt about it. But you know the wrong people and you date the wrong women. Get your life in order before a friend finds your severed head in their bed."

For If You Ruled the World: "Scott just took the "If you ruled the world, what would it look like?" quiz and the result is Dystopia. You believe that everyone should be under the thumb of a dispassionate, inescapable, unknowable, government, and because of this, Earth would be a consistent and productive world in the hands of someone like you, albeit a world where people imagine someone is stamping a boot in their face--forever."

For Which X-Men Character are you: "Scott just took the "Which x men character are you?" quiz and the result is Amanda Sefton. Flight attendant. Nightcrawler's girlfriend. Her name is the anglicized version of Jimaine."

And for What's Your Patronus: "Scott just took the What is Your Patronus quiz and the result is Your Patronus is a budgie."

I think I'm getting much better...

Malaysia is Within My Grasp

Dear Ming, soon Malaysia will be under my control. Prepare to do my bidding.

I Suspect Tall Brad and Kyle

I suspect Tall Brad and Kyle, although it could be Ming, Klund or Mean Mr. Mustard. I certainly don't suspect my wife. She may suspect that I'm starting to develop a low level of disdain for Facebook, or at least for any of my time spent on Facebook.